And So It Continues

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I am using Jesse Metcalfe as Ray Matelli,

Hope you enjoy!

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"LEVI!!!!!!!" my father roared as he came stumbling into my room.

I sat straight up immediately and stared wide eyed at my father while my body quickly began trembling in fear and an icy cold feeling rushed through my body. My father stood there swaying a little with a bottle of tequila in his hands, it was almost empty. I scrambled out of bed just in time for the bottle to miss my face and it shattered against the wall, filling the room with the sickening sweet scent of alcohol. My fall out of the bed wasn't the greatest and I was about to get up when I my father grab me and threw m against the bookshelf, in a few heavy steps he was over me when he picked me up again, shaking me before throwing me against the wall whereI fell into a crumpled heap. I heard the floor rumble as he approached me I felt his fists punching all over my body.

"Queer! Lazy good for nothing son of a bitch!" he yelled and sent his booted foot colliding with my gut knocking the air from my lungs leaving me winded.

"Swine!" kick, "Queer!" kick, "lazy!" kick, kick. I was curled into a ball, crying and screaming as he continuously kicked my bruised body; it's happened often, but I never get use to the pain, I just wanted it all to stop, for him to leave me alone already or to get it over with and kill me already, so I could be at peace. He stopped kicking me and leaned over me breathing heavy he reached down and wrapped his beefy calloused hands around my throat and I felt myself being once again slammed into the wall.

"You think you smart, huh boy? Making me eat leftovers? Lazy bastard!" he yelled while increasing the pressure on my throat and banging my head against the wall, turning my vision black at the edges. Though he was a drunken ass half the time, he kept in good shape and worked out often.

"First you killed your mother, now you're lazy?! Huh?! You think your good, boy?! You think you're dead smart?!" he slurred as I clawed at his hands sinking my nails into his hands trying to loosen his grip on my throat as the world was starting to spin and blanked.

"Too busy sucking off boys, huh?!" he yelled in my face spraying me with spittle and punched me several times in the face. Tears fell down my face continuously as I began to lose consciousness, but he released my throat and I fell to the ground gasping as air rushed painfully into my lungs and my vision returned to normal; I yelped as I felt his foot nail my rib.

"Lazy bastard." he slurred once again before going out of my room. I laid there as long painful sobs racked my body making it ache more, I tried to stand up but whimpered as the pain flared through my body; leaning against the wall to try breathe through the pain I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the hot water. I undressed and caught the sight of myself turning fully to see the damage I had sustained a pathetic cry escaped my lips as the tears began to fall again. Why me. What have I done to deserve this? Why did nobody notice or care. Why can't anyone see me screaming for help.

I made my way to the shower hissing and trembling as the hot water pelted my aching body. Everything was aching. My body, my emotions, my heart, my soul. I felt alone in this world, no one seemed to care, no one to love me, no one to keep me safe. Drying myself and put my clothes back on with tears still running down my face, I walked slowing into my room and clicked on the light.

I slide down the way and hide inside myself, in my safe place; the place I felt no pain, no lose, nothing. I noticed nothing that went on around me I was lost to the word. I didn't even notice myself picking up the exacto knife I had for my projects. I didn't notice the sharpness of the blade or how it shone and reflected the light. I was lost in the darkness of myself. My world shock as pain as red as blood flashed through the darkness throwing me out of my safe place and back to reality to what I was doing. I saw the blood bubbling out of three deep cuts which two formed an X and the other was close to it. I began giggling madly as I let another tear fall and I pressed the blade against my wrist and applied some pressure. I began sliding it against my arm. You deserve this. You're weak. Worthless. Nobody cares about you. Do it. Do it. DO IT. The words bombarded my head, I shock my head registering  the pain I had caused myself and clenched my jaw tighter to keep from making a sound.

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