"So why are you hiding out here?"
"Am I really? Is this..., is this what you'd call hiding?"
"I would."
"I'd call it..., adventuring."
"Don't steal my youthful intentions for your sinful purposes."
"You are the one that always steals my words."
"So why are you here then?"
"Adventuring."
It was kind of funny.
Our pointless exchange of words.
"Why?", I asked.
Pedro seemed to have to exhale clusters of thick clouds.
"Because I did something and now I'm not sure if it was right or wrong to do it."
"Your dad called at our house. He was worried."
"I do feel sort of stupid about it."
"It seems you got that part right."
Pedro didn't smirk or smile or laugh.
"After you..., disappeared. Let's phrase it like that. And no, you didn't really disappear. I know you needed space. It's just that even if I know that, I can't control my head, you know. You know?"
I tried to look as understandingly as possible. How do you even look understandingly? Open up your eyes wide? Stretch out your chin? Lean back with your upper body?
"So after you..., needed space, like a week or two ago, I felt like I might be losing something again. Or someone. I don't know if it was the fear of losing you or the fear of losing somebody, in general, that was..., triggered by that. It was totally irrational and not your fault."
I nodded, more than visibly enough.
"It made me tell my parents."
"Tell your parents what?"
"That I'm gay."
"Oh damn."
I don't really know if I was proud of that reaction. I kind of was? It was an impulsive one. Something I truly felt. Feelings are good.
The sunset was blue and pink.
The clouds immersed in her play of colours.
"Yeah, damn."
I felt like I truly understood him in that moment.
"I'm..., I'm proud of you, Pedro, I really am."
"Thanks."
He smirked weirdly. He looked like he was proud, to say the least.
"So why are you here? Were they angry or what?", I asked.
"Not at all. I mean, really not at all. I always imagined that moment, of course. How something in their world would just..., collapse. Fall apart. But it didn't. They looked happy and..., somewhat fulfilled."
"That's amazing, Pedro."
"Yeah? Yeah, it is."
"But..., why are you here then?"
"Please don't laugh at me or judge me, okay?"
I just nodded.
"Being gay always felt revolutionary. Like I was a pioneer in between the unknowing and ignorant. But now it..., feels almost normal. And some part of me wants to keep revolutionizing. That's the part that brought me here."
"Pedro?"
"I won't laugh at you."
"Okay."
"But I'd like to judge you if that's okay."
"Okay."
"What the hell are you doing?"
He stayed quiet.
"Go home to your parents. Don't stay here with me. You are not just among the unknowing and ignorant right now, you are their entire core."
I rose from the ground we were sitting on to demonstratively put my finger on my chest.
"You created this. It's your own fault I'm telling you this right now."
And then used the same finger to point in the direction he should leave to.
"Go home!"
"You're probably right", he said.
He smiled weirdly. I couldn't tell what it meant this time.
He got up, waved at me, walked away.
The sunset was blue and pink.
And my heart felt the same.
YOU ARE READING
What do the stars feel when they look at Us?
Teen FictionBen starts to care. About you. About people. About his girlfriend. About feelings and being a person. Growing up. But it's difficult. Seemingly, especially, for him. And he's failing. Miserably. So he's starting to look for answers in the stars. Mos...
