What do the stars feel when they look at Us?

Chapter 25: Freckles

My main goal for the whole evening was to memorise as much of Linda as I could. Because there were always slight changes about every person when you really looked for them.

And it seemed like something that was worth doing it.

And it was summer.

Most bodies change with the seasons, right?

Because Linda's did.

Her pale arms were full of tiny freckles.

I really minded not seeing her.

It made me feel ecstatic about the freckles.

"I really like your arms", I said.

We actually had been in the midst of a conversation about coupling Merlin and Pedro. Deciding where to go on a potential double date. On our way home.

We didn't talk about not having our own first date beforehand.

It was part of our repression routine, I believe.

She hid her arms behind her back.

And we stopped talking about coupling Merlin and Pedro.

"I'm sorry, Linda."

"No, don't be, that's on me."

"Not about that, I..., I don't think I'm sorry for telling you something I feel strongly about."

"It could still hurt people, you know?"

"It could?"

"Because people might not feel the same way about it. Or don't want to feel or hear anything about it at all."

"I'm sorry about that, too, then."

"Like I said, don't be."

"I'll try."

"So?"

"So..., what?"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry for..., that no matter what the circumstances were, I shouldn't have treated you the way that I did. And I always repressed my..., emotions and told myself that I didn't care when I really..., shouldn't have..., or should have."

The flickering, slowly ending sunlight dashing through the spaces between houses illuminated the freckled spaces on her skin.

"You're looking again, aren't you?"

Her choice of words made me realise that the freckles had overtaken my brain and the thoughts about her boobs.

Boob. Beeb boob.

She took me into her arms.

"I'm okay with what happened. And I know you didn't mean it. And I can't deny that it hurt. But it doesn't now."

"How are you so okay with this?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't really know."

"Then why aren't you okay with me being okay with this?"

"Because..."

"Because?"

"Because I feel like I still deserve to be punished."

She took a few steps back.

We were close to the pathway up to our hill.

Close to the bird-free electricity pylons.

"Like I don't deserve this."

"That's stupid."

"Maybe."

"I'm serious, Ben, that's really dumb. You can't go around expecting bad things to happen."

"I don't. I didn't think about it up until now."

"But now you do."

"Yes."

"So stop doing it."

"How?"

"Look at me."

I looked at her.

She seemed less small than usual.

Her voice sounded angry. But her face was soft.

"I'm here right now, aren't I?"

"You are."

"Then focus on that."

I felt agitated.

In an unfamiliar way.

Like her eyes cast brilliant spells over me.

"Because that's all I can do, too."

She put her arms in front of her chest.

The lower halves of them facing upwards.

Covering her face.

I moved closer to her.

Softly grabbed her forearms and pulled them to the sides.

When she kissed me I felt like the world had been turned upside down.

I felt my blood rushing through my body like I'd been hanging from a ceiling.

Her movements became erratic.

It made my chest break.

My lips stopped leaving her lips for more than split seconds.

The outside world turned into a room for storing our emotions.

And the sheer mass of them made it harder to breathe.

And to act.

But the spell her eyes had cast on me forced me to keep going.

Like nothing even mattered.

Like every day before this one hadn't even existed.

Because they didn't need to.

An infinity in this room of ours with this moment engraved in it would be enough to spend a lifetime.

And the flickering, slowly ending sunlight was still dashing through the spaces between houses and illuminated the freckled spaces on her skin.

Then suddenly, it stopped.

Her tears broke the spell and covered my fingertips.

I looked at her.

She smiled back at me.

"Why did you stop?"

I let the light shine onto my fingers.

And Linda noticed she was crying.

She aggressively wiped the areas around her eyes clean.

Took my hand and started running.

I don't know what it was about running that everybody I knew, needed to do.

I ran.

Linda ran.

Pedro ran.

Did Merlin run?

We ran.