Free-Fall: Vigilante Tommyinnit AU

《CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR》

Quick Warning- Mentions of suicidal thoughts, PTSD, trauma, abuse, assault/violence, neglect, and depression. On top of that: I apologize for any spelling mistakes, wattpad has been messing up a lot of my edited work, which leads to it messing with my writing a bit. So feel free to correct me on anything 

Make sure you all are taking care of yourselves, love you all <3

Tommy POV-

When I assured Tubbo and Ranboo that I would fill them in on everything in the morning, I staggered into my room- locking the door behind me and falling as soon as my bed was within reach.

I felt my face, letting my hand rest on my eyes as I closed them. I could still feel the blood on my skin despite it being long washed off. I'd be lying if I said I never hurt anyone before, sure, i've never killed anyone, but I have hurt people to get information, which I wasnt proud of, but it was one of the many things I learnt when I was with Dream, every now and then, Wisp, one of Dreams assistants, would pull me aside and teach me how to deal with people who think they are powerful, but were really just shit people with nothing better to do than cause suffering.

"You dont want to break them, remember- the human body has it's limits, with an ability or without. There is always a breaking point, and you want to avoid it until you have what you need"  Wisp would say, gently nudging me towards strangers that stared at me with murderous intentions, but could not act on them with their wrists trapped in a steel bond.

Dream was a monster to me, but every time I wanted to be angry at him, I couldn't help but understand why he did the things he did. Of course, it wasn't all for George. Maybe a small portion, yes, but the main reason he did what he did to me, was because he wanted his family back too. He wanted them to be safe and he wanted them to be free from a corrupt society. I guess he needed to sacrifice something or someone, to achieve that. When I thought about it before, I couldn't understand why torturing me would lead to his freedom, but now I realize he too- is a pawn of XD's. I met XD when Dream first took me. I noticed how they acted with each other- how Dream was constantly trying to please him, much like how I wanted to win Wilbur's approval when I was younger, although, i'm still unsure if Dream is XD's younger brother, or the other way around, it was never clear for me.  

Despite Dream's effort to escape society, he became apart of it, maybe even worse at some point. Still, I couldn't be mad at him for trying to win his brother's approval, that would be hypocritical, but  I could be mad at him for dragging Tubbo into this mess. 

I dont think I cared much about my own well-being at the time, and sometimes I still dont, but I cant stand the sight of Tubbo or Ranboo being hurt, yeah, they could fend for themselves,  I know, but we're all still scared, it doesn't matter what we can do now, we are still scared, and we will always be scared. I wanted to stop being afraid a long time ago, but fear is the one thing you never lose as you age. Your feelings never go away, maybe you'll get over them, but they'll never be gone, not really. 

I can lie, and tell everyone I've had a good life, but there were times where I hoped I would just get away from lifes unjust society and die, but  I could never leave Tubbo and Ranboo alone, I couldn't leave Deo, Luke, Bitzel and Boffy- hell, I can't even bring myself to walk away from Philza, despite the pain he made me feel as a child. 

I think, when I say we all want to be free, I dont know what I mean myself.  I guess it depends on what makes you feel free. Dream wants to be the brother XD wants. I want to keep my friends safe. Philza wants to start over. Schlatt wants to be there for his son. So I guess- Safety would make me feel free. Maybe, but at this point, I dont care if I get to be free, I just want to feel okay, I just want my friends to feel okay. Okay is all I need now. I dont expect much. I dont even want happiness anymore- the idea of complete happiness and order is surreal. 'Okay' is all I want now.

Dan POV-

I wanted to be a Hero so I could help the poorer areas, the weaker districts, and the lower social classes- but now I have just been drained of my power and used- having my purpose taken, along with my effort to make things better. XD is a greedy man, as well as an arrogant one. He couldn't stand even the thought of someone having more power than him. He just couldn't. Not to mention his twin- Dream, was practically the same way. Both obsessed with power and control- it just goes to show how the littlest taste of power can corrupt even the modest and friendliest.

Everything went down hill over a few words.

"Dan-", XD warned, I approached him with a simple request; choosing where I patrol, rather than having it assigned to me, I didn't know he was so incredibly strict about assigning Heroes their location to patrol, "I just want to choose where I patrol, just this once-", "No, then you'll just go to the weaker districts", "What's wrong with helping the weaker districts? Heroes are supposed to help people, and those districts are the ones that need help the most, way more than the people around here, their so rich they can literally hire bodyguards!-", "We depend more on the richer folk, their opinion matters most because of their influence"

And it was then I realized the truth behind the Hero corporation, that they did not really care about helping people, they just wanted to give them a false sense of hope to maintain order and control with their unreliable protection and empty promises. I was not the Hero I dreamed of being, instead, I was just a tool used in a corporation that needed me to lie to people who were desperate to feel safe and okay.