The Way Life Goes!!: The making of "Alex"

LOCKED UP

This chapter is a good chapter because of the EXPERIENCE & KNOWLEDGE that I gained from jail. SO BE PREPARED, WRITE ME A COMMENT, GIVE ME FEEDBACK !
January 2020
I just broken up with my ex, moved out and was trying to move on. I wasn't yet stable enough to find a place. Mentally going through a lot and obviously physically, emotionally unstable but I never gave up and never let that stop my desire to keep my word and be true to myself. My ex (who will not be mentioned), in my head/spirit, I felt as if he was trying to sabotage my goals and my desire to do what I love to do and want to do.
At the time of us breaking up we were already 6 months into it and it was rocky from the beginning, middle, and end. The lack of trust was never received to me; I've always felt he never fully trusted me or anything I have ever done because of my age (he was 28 I was 19 at the time) as I grew up, he didn't. After I put 2&2  together I realized I wasn't a partner I was treated like I needed help and needed to be coddled when In reality I've never needed that from anyone. I've always wanted someone who can trust me from the jump, who believes in me and understands that I'm growing up and sometimes may not want advice or help from others and as I get older I find that to be very OKAY TO DO! We all have a life to live; we all get opinions or "constructive criticism" mostly on a daily basis if you work but as humans with FREE WILL we choose to listen to whoever, choose to do whatever, choose. WE CHOOSE! WE MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES. No matter what anybody's excuse is we make our own choices. We literally have no other choice because either you choose nd live with the decision or you choose and regret you've made the choice when any choice you make should be YOUR CHOICE.
After about a couple weeks my ex reaches out and try's to make a determination of my life. We talked, conversed, I tried to make the friendship work. Every other conversation we had AFTER the break up was about THE BREAKUP. I'm not the type of person to rekindle old situations because I don't dwell on things that can't be changed. But he was a libra that was stuck in his ways and feelings. I'm not I'm a determined Leo. I don't dwell I don't try. I do or I don't, no in between or half assing anything; never have never will.
May 2020
May 1st is the day I went to jail yet it was a day of so much pain relief. The previous night I slept in my car (at that time) and had a friend with me; all of a sudden around 9-10pm I get a message from my ex. Didn't read it, didn't really care at that point due to emotional detachment. BUT in March i adopted my baby girl Harmoni (Pit-bull Terrier Mix) she WAS my baby, my heart, my soul, the first ever thing I've had and loved more than myself. He was texting me about my dog basically saying how he doesn't like the way I use him etc. Now mind you my ex was always the type to not reach out to anyone but the type to also be upset because nobody reached out to him. VERY HYPOCRITICAL in my opinion always have told him that too so it's no surprise it's in MY book. So I would always argue back with him by saying how am I using you when you have a dog I have a dog you know my situation why do we even need to have this discussion. Despite being in a relationship with him he's not a person that does things out of the goodness of his heart, there's always an angle to why he's doing anything for anybody. I was always told it was me being the manipulator but I beg to differ in the most disrespectful way ever. I've never used anyone for any angle I've always did things because I wanted to or because I'm grown and I don't need to use people to get what I want for ME. After getting 12 calls and 15 messages about how much of a bitch, manipulator, disrespectful, rude, inhumane person I was to everyone and him; I decided not to antagonize nd just wait until the morning to just go get my dog and the rest of my things.
The next day came I didn't call, didn't text, I just showed up to get my things and my dog. While I was there gathering my things he just kept antagonizing me about why I won't say anything why I won't look at him, just a bunch of nonsense baiting me. But not knowing that it worked at the end with just a phrase that kinda offended me. So now I'm offended dog in the car everything packed up now he's pissing me off still. After getting pissed off i go to confront him about what he said and why he would say such a thing. Yet the delivery of that wasn't so kind. He instantly went in the house and locked the door before I could say or do anything. So now I'm getting more pissed and now I'm banging on the door, yelling, pissed tf off so now he's otp with my father (who i am not speaking to at the moment) while my father was telling him to call the police, try to get me medicated and get help. When I know I don't need no damn medication I can think clearly without it and my thoughts and decisions are throughly being given to me without any type of questioning or misunderstanding nd I study my other peoples brains for god sack I'm sure I'm not crazy or need to be medicated for having normal life issues. He indeed called the police me growing up in Florida I DIDNT GIVE A DAMN. Now the police here and I'm going off still on them. Now I'm already in the car when they arrive BUT I'm pulling off trying to leave cause at this point he don't wanna fight he just wanna call the police and have me sent to jail. So as I'm pulling out the police pulling in. I ALMOST hit the police car cause they stopped right in front of me so I'm just like moved bitch damn . So I proceed to go around but as I proceed to go around she's getting out the car and try's to make it seem like I hit her with my car. So now she's calling back up. I thought I was gonna get shot or choked to death because of all this police brutality and such. But after awhile the police put me in handcuff and was doing what police do; shit talk. So after I'm in the car STILL upset going off on my ex and the police I look up and all I hear is "sir if you don't go back to your place I'm gonna put you under arrest for obstruction of a police officer. He still wanna try to explain himself and try to reason with these white officers I'm telling him to shut up and go back to the house cause he has my dog. He's still going on and on and eventually ends up in handcuffs sitting in a different police car. SMH stupid. After a while they finally take us to the jail while in the jail me and my ex both walked in together I look over all I hear is sniffling and crying, I look over it's my ex crying saying "what did I do to deserve this, I should've just listend and walked away, I'm not built for jail. So ends up spending the weekend I'm jail on an obstruction charge while I go "Criminal Trespassing, Obstruction, assault on a police officer, Alcohol in the possession of a minor (me), Damage to property".
Once I heard those charges I was so disappointed in myself. I was beyond hurt and beyond the point of self recovery; we went to the same hearing on a Sunday morning at 8am. I was denied any type of bond nd had to wait until they gave me a bond. Which took 2 1/2 months for them to do. When my ex found out that I had to come up with bond money to get out he tried to do everything he can to get me out.....even though WE were going thru the some issues and already broken up at that. So I have ALWAYS been very appreciative of the sacrifices he's made but in his mind I was never being appreciative always combative(like I'm some damn child) . Now I wasn't upset at him or anything but I was a little irritated due to the fact that he would use the jail/bond money against me on a lot of situations that had nothing to do with it but would be an excuse as to why somethings took place the way they did. But I learned from this situation, it taught me to slow down and take my time to think about what's going on and what the end result would be. This experience wasn't the best experience and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but it WAS a learning experience and teaching moment. To anyone reading this: Never be afraid to speak up for yourself. Never be afraid to be authentically YOU in every way, shape, form, fashion. People WILL demean you, they WILL make you feel less than, make you feel appreciated, feeling like you're a bother. BUT if you are REALLY AUTHENTICALLY YOU. None of what their saying should bring your light down. You tell you them "I am annoying but you wanna be in my company right"
"I am loud, but you knew that when you met me so don't try to change me"
"I am extra, this is me 🙌🏽 deal with it or leave"
Don't make yourself feel like you need to change! Because of what they want you to be FUCK THEM. You were BORN ALONE! You were born to have FREE WILL! To have the opportunity to stand up for yourself and others you feel need the support! Don't be afraid to live for you! Don't be afraid to live, love, laugh, smile, talk, kiss, stand, speak, listen, learn, etc. DONT BE AFRAID! TAKE CARE OF SELF BEFORE YOU CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE YOURSELF! From the words of my  beloved father: "Experience is the best teacher Jr. You'll either learn the east way or the hard way and sometimes the best way is the hard way for the experience to help you better understand"

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