Hiro Hamada ("Shrek")

The Odd Couple

Mason: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!

Hiro: Are you talkin' to... *he turns around and Mason is gone* me? *he turns back around and Mason is right in front of him.* Whoa!

Mason: Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.

Hiro: *Annoyed* Oh, that's great. Really.

Mason: Man, it's good to be free.

Hiro: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends and aren't you're family looking for you? Hmm?

Mason: But, uh, I don't have any friends, my family just straight up abandoned me. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, thin like a stick, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.

*Hiro turns and regards Mason for a moment before loudly roaring in his face.*

Mason: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...

*Hiro covers his mouth but Mason continues to talk, so Hiro removes his hand.*

Mason: ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day.

Hiro: Why are you following me?

Mason: I'll tell you why. *singing* 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have friends...

Hiro: Stop singing! *Picks up Mason by his back of his vest* It's no wonder you don't have any friends and the reason why you're family abandoned you. *drops him*

Mason: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.

Hiro: Listen, little boy. Take a look at me. What am I?

Mason: *looks all the way up at Hiro* Uh... Really tall?

Hiro: No! I'm a human with a gap teeth! You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?

Mason: Nope.

Hiro: Really?

Mason: Really, really.

Hiro: Oh.

Mason: Man, I like you. What's you name?

Hiro: Uh, Hiro.

Dipper: Hiro? I'm Mason, but you can call me Dipper. Well, you know what I like about you, Hiro? You got that kind of "I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me" thing. I like that. I respect that, Hiro. You all right.

*They come over a hill overlooking Hiro's home.*

Dipper: Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that?

Hiro: That would be my home.

Dipper: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. *Looks at Hiro's "keep out" signs* I guess you don't entertain much, do you?

Hiro: I like my privacy.

Dipper: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. And there's that big awkward silence you know? *awkward silence* Can I stay with you?

Hiro: Uh, what?

Dipper: Can I stay with you, please?

Hiro: *Sarcastically* Of course!

Dipper: Really?

Hiro: No.

Dipper: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak.

*Dipper pushes Hiro up against the door*

Dipper: Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

Hiro: Okay! Okay! But one night only.

Dipper: Ah! Thank you! *he runs inside the hut*

Hiro: What are you... No!

*Dipper hops up onto a chair.*

Hiro: No!

Dipper: This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin'... I'm makin' waffles.

Hiro: Grr!

Dipper: Where do, uh, I sleep?

Hiro: *irritated* Outside!

Dipper: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night.

*Hiro slams the door, shutting Dipper outside*

Dipper: I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a boy with a pine tree hat. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. *Sings sadly* I'm all alone... There's no one here beside me...

Part 3 Ended.