Steel My Soul ✓

08 | Go

I N D I G O

"Indigo?" Chancey's voice was mixed with the sound of people moving around. "Hey, look at me."

My eyes tried to focus on the face in front of me, and the feel of warm hands holding my head up.

"You've been in and out of consciousness for ten minutes," His voice spoke again. "I took you to the doctors. Just try to focus on staying awake."

I thought I nodded, the movement making me wince as a migraine formed for the second time that day. Blurred figures moved past me, some wearing white coats and others in casual clothing. The feel of a steady surface beneath me made me believe I was sitting on a chair as my head moved once again to rest on something beside me.

"I called your mother," Chancey said, and the thing I rested on vibrated a little. "She's on her way now."

My eyes squeezed shut as I tried to recall what the hell just happened. I remembered being at Chancey's house, feeling sick and wanting to leave. I was mad at him. That wasn't really a surprise. I was always mad at him. But something was different. We talked about something that made me want to cry.

Not wanting to think about Chancey anymore, I lifted my head again and finally took in my surroundings. I was at a medical clinic - in the waiting chairs to be more specific. The smell sickened me. It reminded me of a hospital and I hated being there. Memories of my father that I didn't want came back, and I wanted to leave.

"I said I wanted to go home," I had no control of the crack in my voice as I leaned forward and cradled my head in my hands.

"Indigo, you fainted," Chancey lowered his voice, sounding concerned.

"And now I'm awake," I whispered, trying to ignore the smell I despised so much.

"I don't give a fuck," He replied, almost hissing at me. "Did you think I'd just take you home and leave after you fainted? Believe it or not, I'm not as much of a dick as you think."

The sound of footsteps stopping right beside me made us both go quiet.

"Indigo? Darling," My mother's voice brought me to tears.

I didn't know why I couldn't stop them from leaking from my eyes as I continued to cradle my head, but I just didn't want them to see me like this. It had been two years since I let my emotions get the best of me.

"Chancey," She sounded like she was smiling. "I haven't seen you in- I, uh, thank you for calling me to be here."

"Of course, Mrs Maxwell," He replied, his voice much more gentle than the one he used with me a second ago.

I heard my mother inhale deeply, not used to Chancey calling her by a name used by strangers. Our broken friendship also ruined the family bond between them, and my heart broke at the moment of silence that followed.

"Indigo?" My mother's hand touched my shoulder, and I froze up. "Sit back so you don't get dizzy."

Tears that felt like razors continued to seep from between my eyelids as I kept them shut. I tried to smell anything else, like the remaining scent of Chancey's mother's sweet food on my hands, or the scent of my perfume mixing in together to cover the stench of medical supplies. Nothing was working.

"Violet?" Chancey's soft voice calling me a name I secretly found comfort in made me lose it.

My shoulders began to shake as I wept into my hands, the emotions of the past couple of years finally hitting me like a wave of reality. The losses I endured, the loneliness I felt, the hurt and sickness I felt in my chest.

Anger.

I wanted to burst at Chancey. He brought me here - to get me help. I hated that it was because he cared for me. But why? It wasn't like I was the nicest person to him in the time that separated us. So why did he want to repair our damaged friendship so badly? We had both been assholes to each other, irritating and testing each other's nerves. What was up with him?

"Violet-"

"Go home," I told him, my voiced muffled within my hands.

"Indigo," My mother started, but I didn't let her say what she wanted.

"I don't want him here anymore." A broken, tired, quiet voice was enough for my mother to shift on her feet.

"I'm sorry, but-" Chancey tried to speak again. I didn't allow it.

"Go home, Chancey," I removed my face from my hands and turned my head to face him.

The cold wind collided with the tears on my face, cooling my skin from the simmering heat I was feeling in my blood when I saw his face. His brown eyes blinked a few times before his lips parted at the sight of my sadness. I bet he was thinking about the night of my father's funeral - the last time he saw me cry like this - when he disappointed me the first time.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," Chancey just stared at the tears streaming down my tears as he whispered to me. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you to be okay."

"I am," I spoke through gritted teeth because he wouldn't even look me in the eyes.

He nodded, raising a hand to run it though his light brown hair. Eye contact was not made as he said, "I didn't mean to make you cry, Indigo."

More tears escaped my eyes and I lifted my hand to wipe them away. That caught his attention, and the moment our eyes finally met, I glared at him, instantly regretting it when I saw the brims of his were reddening.

"Stay for a while, Chancey. So you know that she's okay, yes?" My mother suggested.

I wanted to say no. I wanted so badly to say no because I didn't want to break down even more by having him care for me after two years of being deprived of it. But he was the first to reject her offer.

"I think I should just go," His voice was thicker, more hoarse as he answered, still looking me in the eyes.

"Are you sure? Well, okay. I'll text you with the number you called me with to let you know how we go." I was sure her words were reassuring.

A few more moments of intense eye contact later, Chancey stood up and looked down at my mother. She gave him a polite smile and he returned it before saying goodbye. I didn't watch him leave. I was too busy trying to wipe my tears away and prevent more from spilling.

letter... 7?

I don't mean to be overbearing, but I'm glad I come across as that. I'd rather you call me overbearing than distant.

The last thing I want to be is distant from you.

Especially when you're upset or we get into an argument or misunderstanding. I need you to talk to me.

Don't tell me to go. I won't go for all the times you tell me. I'm going to stay with you this time. I'm going to hold you soon. I'm going to tell you how much I love you and how miserable I've been without having you as my friend.

So don't tell me to go. I won't and I haven't. I never will. I'm closer to you than you think, Violet.

a/n: (not edited)