Steel My Soul ✓

31 | Deserve

C H A N C E Y

The last of Indigo's hair hit the ground with a silence so loud that it brought tears to her eyes. She took in the sight of her reflection in the hospital mirror and exhaled a shaky breath. Regardless of her appearance, Indigo's beauty never wavered - not with her lack of hair, her narrower face or her paler skin. 

"I think I need that beanie now, please," She chuckled, planting the razor down on the basin. 

Her slender fingers ran along her scalp, and Indigo bit her lip to keep herself from crying again. She was allowed to feel, but I guessed she didn't want to appear weak again. I wished I could make her believe she was anything but that. 

Tilting my head, I snaked my arms around her waist from behind and pulled her to my front. I didn't care about any loose, short hairs as I kissed the top of her head and buried my face in the crook of her neck. 

"You're still the most beautiful woman I've seen," I reassured her. 

She shook her head, smiling woefully. 

"The strongest I know," I continued. 

Indigo glanced away from her reflection, refusing to take in the sight of her new appearance. 

"Talk to me," I whispered. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"What am I supposed to say?" She shrugged. "I think I look hideous, and I'm wondering how the hell you can even stand to look at me right now. That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking how you can even love me like this; looking like death is literally weeks away. I already look like a corpse."

My heart dropped to my stomach and nausea built in my chest. I felt the tension in my body and face grow at the sound of her words, each worse than the last. Indigo was so mean to herself, so fast to judge the temple that was her body. Her vessel held her and carried her wherever she went and protected her soul. How could she look at it like it was anything less? 

"Don't look at me like that," Indigo pulled my arms away from her body and stepped toward the closed bathroom door. "You asked what I was thinking, and I told you."

A sharp breath left my mouth as I watched her pack the razor. She was moving fast, angry at everything again. I couldn't change that. Nothing I say could make her see herself differently anymore. She had to be the one to change how she thought. That was the only thing that could change anymore - the way she thought. 

"I'm in love with everything about you," I poured my soul into those words, watching her body freeze. "I don't know which part I fell in love with first. Maybe it was your steel grey eyes. Or the smile that shone right through your tears that first time I spoke to you."

Indigo rested her hands on the basin, the razor rolled and ready for packing. She made no move to tuck it in the drawer below. She merely listened with her back tense, facing me. 

"Sometimes, I think I fell in love with your loneliness. The peace that came with it. The peace I feel when it's just us. Then there's your wit and humour. Your quick, snappy remarks, and taunts. Your resilience. Your strength, Indigo. God, your strength is incredible and you can't even see that." My voice broke, and I paused to get myself together.

Her head dropped between her shoulders, her frail frame almost failing to support her. I stepped closer, wanting to support her, but she froze up again at my proximity. 

"I know you love me. I've felt it for a while and have known it since I read your bucket list. You wanted to tell me that you love me. Do it. I'm here, and I'm listening," I murmured, probing her to tell me I wasn't the only one feeling like this.