Steel My Soul ✓

22 | Rainbow

I N D I G O

"So, he asked you on a date, and you said no, proceeded to show him your rings, and he just went back to his job?" My words became slurred as I questioned my mother, who was also becoming intoxicated.

I hadn't seen her this carefree in years.

"He was cute," She told me in a quiet voice, her smooth complexion becoming pink. "But I'm not mentally ready to move on yet."

"Right," I inspected her, having to agree because I, too, wasn't ready for her to bring a man home.

"I don't think I'll get over your father for a long, long time. Not many men match up to his standards. Your father - he was like an angel in human form. No man will ever compare to him, so it's not fair for anyone to compete," Mum shrugged, snatching the bottle of vodka off me to take another sip.

We sprawled over the red couch in the living room, the TV playing in the background as we continued to become engrossed in another conversation for the next hour. She didn't bring up the topic of my illness, and I never complained. My mother had other things on her mind, too, and I was grateful she was finally letting them loose. Work stresses, social stresses. I was there to listen to her for the first time in ages.

"I know I've lost my mind to vodka right now, but I think the doorbell has been ringing for about five minutes," She told me, chuckling at the end when we both realised she'd been right.

"I'll get it," I reassured her, seeing that I appeared to be less of a mess.

"Okay," Her voice turned into a whisper. "I'm going to get some sleep now, Indi."

"Watch your step," I warned as we both got up.

Before she moved to her bedroom, my mother walked up to me and pulled me in for a tight hug. I dug my face into the side of her head and almost teared up at the nostalgic scent of my own mum. I missed it. I missed her being so close and affectionate toward me that I almost had a meltdown at the mere scent of her hair shampoo.

"I love you, mum," I murmured, squeezing tighter.

"I love you more," She replied. "I wish things were better for us."

"Me too."

"Hm," She paused, and I knew she was smiling. "When you get chemo, you're not allowed to drink like this again."

"If. If I get chemo, and you just gave me another reason to say no," I chuckled.

"I think your one reason to say yes is on the other side of that door."

She didn't elaborate as she pulled away and got ready for bed, leaving me in silence... until the doorbell rang and jolted me out of my daze.

"I'll be there in a second!" I called out, placing the vodka bottle on the kitchen counter and brushing my hair out of my face to seem less drunk.

Well, at least now I could cross out 'getting blackout drunk with my mum' from my bucket list. Although we didn't black out, it was the furthest my mother would ever get drunk with me, and I didn't want to push it.

I reached for the door, and yanked it open with a sigh, just like the air from my lungs was yanked out by the sight of Chancey once again. I'd seen this scenario before, only this time, I was drunk, and he was sober.