Jiara: My Mistakes Were Made For You

Part 19: The Cross

They had a night where everyone felt a little uncomfortable, a little strange. After John B's toast, the matter was pretty muddled. Of course, Pope couldn't comment on the subject, not knowing what to say, not even understanding what exactly was going on between Kie and JJ. He was waiting for an explanation, but it was not there in the moment. It was obvious that something everyone knew had been hidden from him, and at that moment he did not want to sit in front of all of them and listen to them. He had located The Cross, that was on their agenda, they urgently needed to come up with a plan for how to get it.

As Pope had everyone gathered around him, explaining where The Cross was, why he was so sure, and how they were going to get it, JJ tried to listen but he couldn't. He couldn't help noticing that Pope hadn't even looked at his face once, in fact that he had almost turned his entire body in JJ's opposite direction. He was clearly angry with him, JJ was trying to make eye contact with Kie to see how she was feeling, but Kie was worse than Pope. She hadn't even looked at JJ once, the guilt she felt was obvious, she was clearly in a mess, but she hadn't checked on JJ once.

Kie felt awful, physically nauseous. She wanted to get away, she didn't want to see JJ's face or Pope's face. She wasn't sure what to do, Pope's unresponsiveness was confusing, Kie wasn't sure if he didn't care at all or if he cared much more than they expected. She wasn't sure what to do, she felt like she messed up everything right when her relationship with Pope was starting to feel like the old days.

It wasn't easy to leave the conversation about The Cross halfway through, they were all really excited, looking forward to making a plan of what to do. But the tension in the air made it more and more difficult to be there. Finally, unable to come to a definite plan, they decided to retreat to their rooms, using their exhaustion as an excuse. JJ followed Pope, who hadn't even looked at him once all night. He was ready for anything he would say, even if he hit him. Pope had every right to be angry. But at least he needed to talk to JJ. JJ must have deserved this much, even though he was in love with his ex, even though he had been hiding everything between them for so long, he at least deserved to be heard. JJ managed to stop Pope as he entered his room.

"Hey, Pope!" he called to him. Pope stopped where he was and turned to him with an expressionless face.

"What, JJ?"

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"I think we should really sleep, we'll talk about the cross tomorrow." Pope answered opening his door. JJ moved towards him and grabbed the door.

"I'm not talking about The Cross." he said in a serious tone.

"What are you talking about then?" Pope asked. "Is there something else to talk about?" He tried so hard to appear completely uninterested in the subject. He felt angry, yes. But he himself did not fully understand why. Even looking at JJ made him angry. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to hear an explanation, because it didn't seem like it would do any good. All he cared about at that moment was The Cross. 

"I thought... I think I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything, JJ." said Pope sternly. "We need to rest, if you care even a little about this, you'll go rest and be ready tomorrow."

"Okay..." JJ said with a low voice. He wasn't satisfied with the talk they had, they basically didn't talk at all. Pope's anger was obvious, but his indifference was hurting JJ more than any punch could. Was he just done with JJ, was he never going to talk about it and just keep a distance between them? JJ couldn't live with that. 

JJ paused for a few seconds in front of the door to the room where Kie was staying, walking slowly into the living room. The light was off, but he was sure Kie couldn't sleep either, brooding on Pope. He wanted to go in and hug her, maybe say something to comfort her, but something inside him was pulling him back. In a way, being next to Kie in that moment felt like the thing that would hurt him the most. Being together would just make them both think more of Pope. How angry he looked, how cold he looked. How it hurt him to JJ and Kie so selfishly getting close to each other without thinking of anyone else. That after all the things they did without thinking about their friends, maybe they lost him. Just as JJ was about to get lost in his thoughts and guilt, Kie's room light turned on. Seeing the light streaming under the door, JJ didn't know what to do at first, but instinctively sped away when he heard footsteps moving towards the door.