Natasha Romanoff & Scarlett Johansson One Shots

Dear Tasha ~ NR

Warnings: Swearing, Upsetting? (baso a letter do dead Natasha ig)

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Dear Tasha,

God I never thought i would ever write something like this. From the moment we locked eyes when we first met who knew we'd be in this situation.

Love. Such as small word for such a huge meaning.

Science says that soulmates don't exist. I agreed. Until I met you. Both of us were raised to learn that feelings such as love were pathetic, yet we had the greatest love there was. At a young age i never knew i would fall so hopelessly i love with anyone ever. It's funny how a complete stranger can walk into your life and complete you.

There are so many people in this world and we found each other. Some would say it's fate, but surely fate is cruel keeping us apart like this? Natasha, i would sell my soul to the devil to have you here beside me, whether it be 10 days or 2 minutes, because every second i spend with you makes me feel so many happy things that not even words can explain. So fuck fate. Because fate took the most important person in the world away from me.

I find these types of things sappy, you know that. Letters, poems, i always thought that you could show someone your love for them and tell them yourself instead in a piece of paper. But as i sit on our bed now, i see it from a whole different perspective. I guess everything on this paper is what i left unsaid. I know that you know how much i love and care about you, but now that you're gone, i feel as though i never told you enough and that kills me.

I'm going to be honest, you were the one person I told all my secrets and feelings to, I will never stop doing that because you make me feel safe but i never thought that i'd be telling my true feelings about you too.. well you.

When Clint first announced your death, i don't feel as though i was able to process it properly. It felt like a movie scene, i fell to my knees, tears instantly pouring out my eyes as the team bowed their head at the sad news. They knew they could never feel the pain I was feeling. You were my wife. But the pain didn't properly hit me until after Thanos had been beaten.

It sent me into a spiral. I couldn't  help but think about all the bad things. How could I live without you by my side? How could I enjoy watching the sunsets, stars and the moon, after we shared the most beautiful moments on the hill watching them together? How could I listen to our music without it bringing back all the memories that i will no longer be able to create? How can I find a home when you were my home?

Numbness. The heart wrenching pain, the feeling of giving up, they've all passed and now i feel nothing. Everything feels pointless, except writing this right now. I can't help but write how much i miss you, and how much you made my life complete and the beautiful love we shared. All of this is dried ink on a stupid piece of paper, meaningless words covering the white page, some might say it's not special, but to me they mean the world. All the love i still share for you on these few sheets. To think about it, it's quite funny.

It hurts so bad to see the team react to your death. Moments we spend together felt as though it was only us in the world, it almost made me forget how many people love and care for you. Because even though you were taught that you didn't deserve it, you found a family that care about you so incredibly much.

Though no matter how much the team try to help me, i still feel lonely. Loneliness has become my shelter in the evenings, in the morning when i eat my breakfast and drink my coffee, when i talk to the team about past memories, but sometimes it lets me feel the warmth of your arms. Loneliness sometimes makes me think of you, weird right? It makes me think of all our hugs, or when we hold hands, your soft and sweet words in my ear or just being in your presence. Sometimes it leads me to your draw, where your oversized hoodies lay, where your perfume sits and pictures of us are hidden. Sometimes i'm grateful for the loneliness i feel, yet sometimes i feel it eating at me.

You were my light. My joy. My everything. But now the only light i have is our bedroom light illuminating the room as i write to you. We had everything we ever wanted, because all we wanted was each other. I could sleep on the hardest bed in the worst room with the shittest food and drink and still feel okay with you beside me. With you i felt unstoppable.

You were such a beautiful person with such a tender soul. You were fierce and bold but also soft and kind. I loved everything about you. The way your cheeks turned red at a compliment. The way you got so into your books that the world around you faded away and eventually we would sit together and you would passionately tell me everything about it. The way your tongue poked through your teeth when you smiled. The way your beautiful green eyes glistened in the sun, god i could get lost in them everyday. The way you had a small passion for cooking and insist on cooking for me, refusing to get take out when i tried convincing you. The way you would drag me to do the touristy things of almost every foreign city we were doing a mission in, because you wanted to appreciate the culture you were surrounding yourself in. The way you would love to stay up late and cuddle while watching a movie, then moan about having to get up, trapping me in bed as you held me as tight as possible in your arms. But most of all, the way you put others before yourself, making sure everyone around you was okay and at their best even if you were down.

We always made comments about how we wanted the other to cope if something went wrong in a mission. Though I never expected it to happen so soon. You always told me to close my eyes and i'll be right there with you, because i will always have our memories in my mind. But now that i try it makes me even sadder, because i have to turn to darkness to find you, when you were the brightest person to me.

I never thought i'd have to turn my reality to a dream. Because i can only be with you again in my mind, until the very last moment of my life when we will reunite. Our story has been long but i never expected it to end like this, if only we could turn back a few pages and rewrite the ending. Wanda recently told me "It doesn't matter how the book ends, read it again with the same smiles and giggles." So sometimes I lie here, you're hoodies and scent close to my heart, and i look through all our pictures and remember all our memories together.

So my dearest Natasha, I leave it here because it hurts to much to continue. I may be back, I may not but all i know is that we will meet again one day. The fact you gave me the most amazing memories and now you're the memory kills me. You promised you'd stay forever, but i guess forever has to come to an end eventually. So I hope you wait for me up there, because i promise you i'll come. I cannot wait for that day but for now i'll get by, thinking of you every moment.

I love you more than words can say,
Until we meet again, Tasha.