Deer In Headlights [Minizerk]

Chapter 12

Josh's POV

"Good afternoon Josh, I'm Dr Branford, it's time for your assessment. You feeling okay today?" The psychiatrist asked me, sitting down on a chair beside my bed.

"Yeah actually, my head's a lot clearer today" I told him.

"Great to hear, anything in particular caused that?" He asked.

"As of whenever I'm discharged, I'm moving in with a friend and his family" I explained.

"Well that sounds great, it says hear your home life was challenging, so it'll be a nice transition. Care to shed some light on the dynamic between your family?" He smiled.

"Well my parents fight, a lot. I do a lot around the house because they're always so angry, often they'll just leave after an argument which means nothing gets done, so I do it. They don't appreciate it much though, they don't really like me" I said.

"Could you explain why you think that is? If there even is a reason"

"Well... I came out as gay to them, they reacted awfully and have held it over my head ever since. I've been told numerously that if I get a boyfriend, they want me to leave"

"I'm sorry to hear that they don't respect your identity, how was that affected you in your daily life?" He asked.

"At school I was always quite angry, getting into a lot of fights, didn't have any friends. That was mainly because I was bullied too" I explained.

"Are you still being bullied?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I have a friend now, it's a lot more bearable now that I'm not alone" I said, smiling at the thought of Simon.

"This friend seems to make you happy, can you tell me some more? How you came to he friends?"

"Well I actually started an argument with him because he threw something at me - it was a bad day and I didn't stop to think it could've been an accident, nor did I believe him when he said it was. I said some things that he didn't like which I now regret saying - we have talked through it though - and provoked him and he hit me. So I went and found him so we could speak about what happened and resolve it" I told him.

"I see, so it sounds like you both dealt with it very maturely given that you're 18. Where did the friendship begin after this?" He asked.

"The school mentioned what I did in assembly, and even though it was anonymous Simon got worried because I hadn't been in for a few days and so he came up here to check if I was a patient. He's been visiting me religiously since, and he's offered for me to live with him" I explained.

"I see, he's the one you'll be living with. Well he sounds like a fantastic friend to have. The nurse did tell me about him when she went over your file, though she was under the impression you two were dating" he gave a little laugh.

"I'm working on that part" I nodded.

He smiled encouragingly before writing some things down.

"Well Josh, from what I see it does sound like you have got some triggers that put you at risk, however you have a good solid plan to distance yourself from those triggers. Essentially, you have a safety plan which is what we love to hear. I think we can discharge you, but I have some suggestions" he said.

"Okay, what are they?" Internally I was grinning. I was gonna be able to leave.

"Well I believe you have depression, it manifests in many ways and anger is one of them. Anger is a deeply rooted emotion which is hard to understand, but psychologists believe it stems from hurt. Given your situation, I would be inclined to believe that this depression would be something you can work on over time very effectively if you could distance yourself from your parents" he began "I would like you to complete some sheets about your negative automatic thoughts and your behaviour. So if you feel angry, or if you get into a fight. Anger is a very blind emotion, it's hard to process without rational thought which is challenging whilst angry. So I think this will help"

"Yeah that sounds great, will I take them home with me?" I ask.

"You will, I'll give you ten of each, but save one of each of them so you can photocopy more should you need to" he said and I nodded "You're effectively free to go, the nurse washed your clothes for you that you were wearing when you came in, I'll ask her to grab those for you"

"Thank you so much"

"You're welcome, enjoy your weekend Josh, I hope things will continue on the up for you" he smiled.