(4/14/22)It's all over. It's all gone. Everything we had is gone. January 27th was the day everything went to shit. That was the day they decided our friendship was no more. Two years. Went down the drain. The only true friend I had. Gone. My only source of life. Gone. That month became the worst month of my life. We started off the year with high hopes. But little did I know our days were numbered. After that day. I realized how truly broken I was. I waited on them. For two years. Stood by their side. Never saying a word. Trying to keep my feelings at bay. The days of tears. The grief. And then I heard their voice again. Trying to explain what happened. Trying to talk about the shit I went thru. They told me to get angry but. I couldn't find any emotions. I was numb. The amount of tears that have been shed. And the amount of pictures and memories I still have in my phone. Did those two years mean nothing. Did the sleepovers. The days we walked around downtown. They became a part of my family. And it was all for nothing.
I still can look at the pictures without wanting to cry. I still can't walk around downtown. I still can't go to that Dunkin' . The one we used to sit at every-time we were there. I don't understand. It's been 3 months and I still don't understand.
I used to think about what happened and was happy. But now. I cry. I don't understand what I'm supposed to do anymore. Part of me is still waiting for them to come back. But I know that probably won't happen. They blocked me on everything. And I wanted to cry. I realized on them so much. And then that source. Just went away.
I wish I was ok. And I wish I knew how to be ok again.
YOU ARE READING
I'm spiraling
Non-FictionHeavy trigger warning. These pieces are things that I've written during times of pure mania. Where I began to unravel and spiral. Many discuss feelings of loneliness. And suggestive content. Please do not read if any of this triggers you.
