Bir kadın/adam gelir

Bir kadın/adam gelir, değiştirir seni, suyun kumsalı vurması gibi

A man/woman comes and changes you, like the waves hitting the shore

The ensemble was too perfect: Ilgaz's weight above her, his arms propped up on his elbows on either side of her head, eyes locked on hers, the coming and going, in a cadence like the tide. She was lost, stripped of herself, not just her clothes: her feelings were exposed, her will to self-preservation and escape from such surrender and devotion to that man, her insecurities and reservations about the future with him, so much that they made her grab and scratch his wide back and squeeze him between her thighs more tightly.

It was too risky.

– Ilgaz... – "Don't hurt me. Don't hurt my feelings." She closed her eyes, feeling her tears sting. Having him again, being with him like that, was indescribable.

– Shhhhh... I know, I know... – the whisper wanted to calm down, but it fired the last bit of sanity that insisted on bringing the outside world to bed. – You promised me not to be afraid. I'm in, along with you. – inside. Outside.

Inside...

Outside...

– I promised... but it's hard, you know? I can't shake the feeling that I arrived, left and came back to your life the wrong way and that I'm not the ideal woman... that we...

– Ceylin. – it was that tone... that damned intonation of command that softened her legs and soaked her resolve. – There is no such thing, there is nothing wrong. – so their mouths touched, once, twice, the huge hand contoured the path of a furtive tear with delicate fingers. – Allah knows how much I missed you. How much I thought of you and wanted you, for all these years. – "I'm here. I'm here, Ilgaz." And he held her tight, kissing her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, as they both collapsed on the hotel bed in sighs and shivers. "I know. I know, Ceylin." The way she placed herself on top and dominated his body, so hot, so soft and tight, made Ilgaz moan beneath her: – You are perfect for me...

– I'm anything but perfect, Ilgaz, and all my flaws will one day... – the gentle touch on her face faded and Ceylin gasped as he lowered his hand to her chin and held it tightly. Shutting her up with another kiss, long and lascivious, the head of the Turkish gendarmerie was barely getting used to beating that delegate in arguments.

– Ceylin, I'm here. I want you. Can you understand this? – Ceylin wasn't completely defeated yet, but she would win, even if she lost.

– But people will still judge us a lot for taking this further. Judge me for daring to shake up Ilgaz Şefi's perfect life and hide the truth. Judging you for choosing Chief of Police Ceylin Erguvan and her dark past over Bayan Savcı Neva Seçkin...

– So what? Let it be judged, let the world burn, we owe no one satisfaction... There's only one woman right for me and that's you, Ceylin Erguvan... And it's been nine years since I wish you were Ceylin Erguvan Kaya.

~*~

The night at the hotel passed like a dream. Nine years between Italy and Germany, Istanbul and Mardin, passed through a sieve of details they didn't know and wanted to understand. Almost like meeting for the first time all over again. It was painful and sweet at the same time, rescuing the connection their hearts had and being able to feel it in their bodies. In the marks that Defne's pregnancy left. On the scars that years in the police and gendarmerie had brought. In the kisses and caresses that no one else knew what they were like, because they kept it to themselves and now they could give each other.