365 Days Without You

Chapter One (Days 1-5)

Day 1. I cry a rainstorm of tears, waves crashing my walls, tearing my heart apart with force, the burden of the million shattered pieces of my soul. I feel irreparable, you seem irreplaceable, the pain pushes me into numbness.

Day 2. The anxiety of having nothing do to but think of you led to grabbing books and starting to read, never finishing but instead slowly creating an ocean of salty tears and drowning myself in thoughts of why I wasn't good enough for you to stay with me. I force myself to leave the house, take a walk by the river, but my heart is heavy as memories of us standing here where I am alone now, and I push back the tears rushing to my eyes, filling to the brim but wiping them away before they can overflow, and reach down my cheeks to unsmiling lips that you once kissed.

Day 3. I wake up with a lighter heart, a feeling of painful anger surging through my rushing veins. I can see a bit more clearly now, my eyes no longer blurry from the tears of despair. I listen to the songs I used to as I dreamed of your eyes or laughed, while you playfully teased me. It doesn't hurt as much as the first day.

Day 4. The pain has returned, stronger this time, as evening approaches I realize why. Every week on this day we used to see each other, two weeks ago on this day you promised me a forever. I keep checking my phone, just in case you decide that you miss me as much as I miss you. My phone rings and my heart leaps hopefully, crushed when the name on my screen isn't yours. I shut it off and get into bed, the weight unbearable as I stare into the darkness of my room and feel numb until a drop of salty water escapes the corner of my eye and I hug my pillow, shutting my eyes as I try to do away with the memories.

Day 5. By now everyone has noticed the light has been missing from my eyes and wonder in murmurs, whispers behind my back. I am too numb to care about the stories they invent which are so far from the reality of losing you that has affected me even more that I believed it could. I keep thinking I am healed but when night descends upon this city I am reminded of the empty hole in my heart that continues to bleed. I needed you to stop it and instead you opened a wound that I fear will never be healed. I still can't believe you were strong enough to break me and I hate you but I hate myself more for trusting you and your beautiful lies.