365 Days Without You

Chapter Six (Days 51-70)

Day 51. "Astrid?" My heart stops as my ears recognize the person behind the voice. My eyes widen and I turn around. I swallow.

"Mike."

"Hey! God how long has it been? Where have you been?" You stand in front of me, acting as if nothing had ever happened or ended between us. Just like months before we got together. Best friends. Not even acknowledging the year and two months we were together which you ended so abruptly without telling me the reason.

"Around," I am stronger now, I remind myself, lifting my chin as I answer you. I stop myself from searching behind you to see whether or not she is with you.

"How are you?" You ask me a little less enthusiastically this time. I guess you remember I'm not your friend anymore.

"I'm okay. How are you?" I pause before continuing, "How's your fiancé?"

"I broke it off."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," I say, but I have mixed feelings. Joy, guilt because I'm happy it's over, confusion as to why I even care.

You open your mouth to speak but close it again. Your lips part but I don't notice them the way I used to.

"I wanted to talk to you. About what went on between us," You say.

"I'm over it," I reply.

"I know, I just want to apolo -," You start to say again but I interrupt.

"No, Mike, you don't understand. I'm seriously over it. I don't care." I say.

"Astrid!" Alex appears behind me and I feel relief wash over me like never before. It was like the gods had sent me a saviour. Thank goodness he decided to come shopping today.

"Alex!" I say turning and winking at him, so you don't see. "I was looking for you? Where'd you disappear to?"

"I was admiring the chocolates when you disappeared," Alex chuckles. "Who's this?"

I turn to you.

"My ex."

Alex straightens but doesn't say anything.

"I'm Mike, it's nice to meet you," You hold out your hand pathetically and I almost smile.

"And you," Alex replies.

"Well, I think we'll be leaving now," I say, grabbing Alex's hand and walking away. I don't look back to see what you do.

Day 52. Alex offered to take me home yesterday but I just wanted to be alone. I know I acted strong and indifferent but I realized I missed you once the adrenaline from seeing you and trying to prove I didn't love you anymore washed away. And I didn't think I still loved you.

Day 53. You fucking piece of shit. I was getting fucking better and you had to show up and pour salt on my wound after fucking ripping it apart with your claws of rusted steel.

Day 54. I haven't seen Alex since the day I saw you.

Day 55. He showed up at my door this morning and I didn't answer. When my mom asked me what to tell him, I told her to say I was asleep. I know he didn't fall for it. Alex knows, just like you did, that I'm up by six in the mornings. Even on the nights that I would stay up until 3 am talking to you.

Day 56. You're not with her anymore. I wonder if I should try to reconnect with you. But I'm afraid you'll break me again. Plus, you clearly let me know when you left me that you never wanted me again. I'm still shocked at how well you reacted when you saw me that day because I know how much you dislike me. Well, it shouldn't be such a surprise I guess. You're a great actor. You fooled me for a year, two months, and one day.