365 Days Without You

Chapter Five (Days 41-50)

Day 41. The sun is shining so bright. I'm not listening to music, and I can hear the birds talking to each other and laughing about something I don't understand. Alex calls me and asks if I'm doing anything this afternoon. I was planning on finishing that book about the boy and girl who reminded me of you and me but I tell him no. He tells me to be ready by 4:30 exactly but doesn't tell me where we're going. I laugh. "Okay."

Day 42. We went to the movies yesterday, and he took me to the movie I had wanted to watch but never had anyone to go with. I didn't know how he knew and he refused to tell me until he dropped me off at home. I had mentioned it in the coffee shop. I couldn't stop from smiling about the fact that he had cared enough to remember it. You never cared that way. It wasn't ever important for you.

"Thanks, Alex." I said. I turned to go inside but he spoke so I looked back.

"Astrid, I can tell you're still upset about that guy," I opened my mouth to speak but he didn't let me start, "Don't deny it. I just want you to know he isn't worth it. No matter who he is. You are wonderful and I'm so happy we're great friends. One day he'll see you happy and regret the break up."

Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes and I hugged him. No one else cared to acknowledge that I was trying, I was trying so hard, but he did.

Day 43. I lounged around all day and called a friend to go shopping. I bought a black and red dress with matching heels. I think I'll put it aside for a special day.

Day 44. Today I remembered that it was your birthday yesterday and took out your gift. But I won't give it to you. You don't deserve it.

Day 45. I saw Alex in class again today. He smiled when I sat next to him.

"Your eyes are brighter. Is that... oh my good lord... do I see a smile? Is this real life?" He joked.

I laughed.

"And now she's laughing! I need to put this in the calendar. We need a national holiday for this," Alex laughed along.

When the professor walked into the room, he raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Uh, Professor, Astrid is laughing. I'm calling a holiday," He smirked. I covered my mouth with my hands and looked at the professor in horror but also was trying not to laugh loudly.

"Very funny, Mr. Williams." The professor said dismissively.

Alex turned to me and put his hands up and made a confused expression.

Day 46. "So, what's on your mind?" Alex asks me suddenly.

"I'm thinking about my ex," I say hesitantly. He doesn't say anything. He just watches me. "It was his birthday three days ago. His present is in the corner of my room now and I don't really know what to do with it. I don't want to give it to someone else because it doesn't feel right but he doesn't deserve it anyway."

"Is it wrapped?"

"Yep."

"Leave it there until further notice," He says, a twinkle in his beautiful hazelnut eyes.

Day 47. I finished the book. It was really stupid. I don't even think it was worth publishing.

Day 48. I went to the library to study but ended up reading a new book. The boy doesn't remind me of you but the girl does remind me of myself. She is stronger and doesn't need him, but he is kind and she falls for him. He cares for her.

Day 49. I've come to the conclusion that the only way to have a pure, unadulterated love last is if one of the couple dies or in some way or another they can't be together no matter how hard they try. One of them gets cancer, or goes to war, or is murdered, or ... there is no other way to achieve real, true, love.

Day 50. Alex came over without calling today. My mother asked if we were together but I laughed and shook my head. Alex smiled and answered, "No, ma'am."

"Don't call me that," My mom scrunched her nose. "It makes me feel much older than I am. Call me Hellen."

But Alexander wasn't used to being informal so he just called her Mrs. Jenson the rest of the time he was there.

I'm sitting here now, thinking of him, and you, and my friends, and my parents. I wonder what my life would be like right now if I never met you, or if we'd never split up.