You could trust the wrong person, unleash your inner everything to them, just for them to shout it from the rooftops to anyone that'll listen.
Or.
You could trust the right person. The one who doesn't pressure you, push you or force you into anything. The one whose intentions are so obviously pure that the fear of being a burden doesn't even cross your mind. Ultimately, the person who you don't have to question whether you trust them or not, you just do.
That person, my person, is Megumi.
Solely the way his eyes lit up in happiness, the sincere softness swimming around in them when I told him I trusted him, was enough to prove to me that I made the right decision. Not that it was a difficult one anyways. He makes me feel valued, that showing my emotions doesn't make me weak, an attention seeker or a cry baby, it just makes me fucking human. Like each tear that I shed and each cry that rips from my throat is valid, that I'm valid.
The way he held me, it wasn't like he was the only thing keeping me afloat, but like he was the breath of air keeping me alive. The way he sat and listened, I didn't need him to talk, or to mutter apologies and tell me he was there for me, because I already knew he was. He understood what I needed and gave it to me wordlessly, selflessly and didn't invalidate me once.
He was there, holding me, listening to me in a way that made me feel undeniably safe, not vulnerable.
If only I was strong enough to tell him my whole story, what truly happened to my parents. But sometimes trusting someone isn't enough, sometimes you need to fully face your emotions alone before you can share them with someone else.
So that's what I'm doing.
I have a car. I have a license. But I don't drive. I truly wonder what part of my brain allows me to feel more comfortable with a complete stranger behind the wheel rather than myself. Whether it's a taxi or a bus, either is better than my hands upon that wheel. I refuse to ever be the cause of an accident, the cause of another persons death would be a burden to great to bear, accident or not. So I'm sat here, on the number 51 bus to Grandmas care home. It's a tiring hour and half journey but it's worth it in my eyes, I haven't seen her for a month, ever since I met Megumi and I feel guilty.
She took me in at a time where my life fell completely and utterly apart, and I couldn't even spare a weekend to come see her? That's not fair.
Finally after an hour of listening to music and playing candy crush the bus pulls up to my stop.
