𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐔𝐒 | 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒

ʚ𝐘/𝐍'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕ɞ

I should've known. Everything about him screamed typical bad boy. The dark hair, black clothes, asshole personality and to top it all off, he smokes. He's stood across the road his eyes piercing into mine with cocky smirk slathered across his face. He raises the cigarette to his lips taking an exaggerated inhale as if trying to prove
he would actually do it. Eyes never straying from mine, he releases the cancer stick, allowing it to become victim to gravity, before crushing it beneath his shoe.

My eyes drift to the ground, following the route of the cigarette before snapping back up to his to see his eyes dancing with playfulness, whereas mine form a glare. He shrugs and turns to walk away but I'm not letting that happen.

"Hey, wait up, Megumi, hey." He doesn't fucking stop, if anything his strides become larger and quicker.

"Jesus you walk fast, will you wait a second." He stops abruptly and turns to look at me impassively.

"Can I help you?" His tone is bored, he definitely does not want to be having this conversation right now.

"So...you smoke?" He rolls his eyes and goes to walk away but I just follow.

"You know smoking will kill you right?"

"Everyone dies." He just shrugs, he shrugs as if dying isn't a big deal.

"Why um, why do you smoke?" Surely he doesn't want to die right?

"We all have our reasons." Another vague answer.

"Well what's yours?" He just sighs in annoyance.

"Listen, I don't know you and you don't know me, if you think that you can give me some lecture about how smoking kills and it's bad for me, I've heard it all before."

"I wasn't going to, what you do is your business, I was just curious. I was only going to ask you not to litter." He stares at me incredulously but I just
shrug

"So, why do you do it?"

"Shut up."

"You're right I'm sorry for being judgmental and if I overstepped, just uh, just don't litter okay? See you around Megumi." He didn't reply, just stares at me intensely for a second before fleeing in
the opposite direction. I watch as he walks away, reaching for another cigarette from his pocket.

❥

My canvas is blank. My hand hesitates over the paintbrush, hopelessly willing it to come alive and attack the page, drowning out the white with even just one of the multitudes of colours in front of me.

But nothing.

I'm not good with words, painting is my way of keeping a diary. Each piece compiles all my emotions, overflowing with everything I want to say, summing it all up with no words at all.

I beg my body to produce some kind of reaction, some kind of feeling. Make me happy, make me angry, make me feel fucking sad for all I care, just give me something to work with.

I dip the brush into the depths of my mind and paint with the colours of my soul. I slather the colours attentively across the canvas, placing freedom into my fingertips, privilege into my paintbrush.

And I paint.

For 3 hours I become consumed by the act of colour upon paper, willingly consumed, relishing in the feeling of not feeling anything, and claiming the canvas as mine.

I step back from my work ready to admire the colours exploding before my eyes. But the colours don't explode, they blend, in the worst way possible, into the background. Swirls and strokes of black and grey cover the canvas, devouring it into an abyss of darkness. The image almost mirrors the form of...smoke?

I shrug away the thought and ponder a title for my piece. No ideas come to mind, my head feels empty.

Empty.

By Y/n L/n.

❥

Another day, another shift, another endless cycle of the same shit.

"Hey Nanami, you need help with anything?"

"Hey darlin, you okay to grab a few bags of sugar from the corner shop, we're running a bit low. There's a 20 on the counter"

"Sure thing, I'll be back in 10." I make my way to the store down the road and glance around looking for the sugar.

"Aha, there it is." I take the bags over to the counter ready to pay, but the display behind the cashier catches my eye.

Marlboro cigarettes.

It wouldn't hurt to try right?

"Your totals 7 dollars, is that everything today?" I'll just try one. "Umm, a pack of those cigarett-"

"Fuck no." Both mine and the cashiers head whip around to find the source of the voice.

"What the hell are you doing here Y/n?" Me? What the hell is he doing here?

"I think it's pretty obvious that I'm buying sugar Megumi." I roll my eyes before turning my attention back to the cashier.

"One pack of ci-

"No."

"What the fuck is your problem."

"She'll just take the sugar, thanks." He ignores me and throws a bill on the counter before dragging me out the store

As soon as we're out he releases my arm and I make a break for it.

"Fucking shit." I hear him mutter under his breath but he makes no move to follow me.

"Don't touch a fucking cigarette Y/n." His shout echoes through my ears and I resist the urge to turn around and secretly buy a packet just to disobey him.

Fuck him, I don't even own a lighter.

雨