Late night thoughts

{Ex}

   He cheated with my best friend 3 times. I forgave him each time. But we were never really the same after the first time I caught them. I thought it was love. But what we had was toxic. It wasn't just him that was toxic.

We had an on and off relationship ever since I caught them. But one time he got a girlfriend, I absolutely hated her. Not just because she had him but because she was just an overall bitch. She had been harassing me since the beginning of the year. But he didn't know. The point is I gave him an ultimatum, her or me. He chose me. That was the most toxic thing I've done though.

   But we barely communicated and he always complained about it. But the fact is I was barely on the platforms that I could talk to him on. And it always pissed him off. But I would get on and he wouldn't have texted me but once within a time span of a month. It pissed me off. I had told him multiple times. 

   By now we were only friends, however we were very flirty. And he knew my interest in girls, specifically one girl. He knew how I felt. Because I made sure he knew. And I know it was wrong of me to continue flirting with him after everything that we'd been through but I didn't think before I did. And that's my problem.

   But I decided I needed to let go and remove him. Just start over. I don't think he'd care much anyways... after all look at how much he texted me. I'm the one who had to make an effort for it to work. And I tried. But it got to be too much. 

   And then there's the fact that he'd flirt with me and my best friend but treat her better than me. We posted almost the exact same picture and he said to her "take that hoodie off u cute" and to me he just said, "cute" like it was forced. I never forced him to say anything.

   It hurt so bad. I bawled my eyes out for hours, and I don't even know why. We weren't together. But it hurt like a mf. Then when I told him how I felt he's like "sorry" but I knew he felt anything but.

   There was also times where I would text him and he'd leave me on delivered for an hour than open it and be like "sorry had a 5 hour test" he did this more than once and that's what drove me to finally cut all ties with him. I was so sick of it. I just wanted to feel happy, because he was the only person that made me feel that way.