A Brand New Day

Chapter 34

Demi's pov
I want to hold her. But I know I need to allow her to have that sense of control and respect it. As much as I want to hold River, I want her to hold me. I listen to the house's static while Nick and I sit with River as she falls asleep. "Should I go find Meadow?" Nick asks as we sit there.
"I don't know." I whisper.
"You wanted to talk?" He says.
"Not here." He nods standing and giving me his hand. He leads me to the office.
He closes the doors, then says, "you can't leave."
I sigh, "it's that obvious?"
"I won't let you."
"I can't do this."
"You can. You just did. These girls need you." He sighs, "I need you."
"My entire body is telling me to leave. I'm not meant to do this."
"You think I am?" He says frustrated.
"You're doing it." I snap, "I'm on the brink of losing my fucking mind. I don't think I can listen to another memory like that! I fucked up! I shouldn't have brought her here."
"Shut up." He snaps. "Listen to me. You knew it was bad. You knew this was something that was eventually going to happen. Do not start to regret the best thing that has ever happened to us. We have two beautifully damaged souls in our lives. We can do this. You can be their mom! You can do this."
I begin to sob. "I'm so scared." He pulls me into him. "Don't let go." I sob as he pulls me tight.
"We can do this. I promise we can handle this." I sob as he speaks to me, "you've already done more than you know. You're making a difference. But you can't give up and leave. Promise me, I'm not going to wake up one day and find you missing, gone from my life." He begins to cry, "I promise you I won't leave. But I need you to promise me." I nod, "I need you to say it."
"I promise you I will always come back."
"No, that's not what I asked you."
"But I'm going to leave. I promise that I will not leave you for more than 24 hours. But I will always come back. Tell me that's enough. I promise I will always come back."
"It's enough."
"I need to go." I whisper.
"Okay."
"I'm just going to check in with my mom. Get river some breakup stuff. I'll be back."
"You promised." He says. "Demi." He said as I pull away from him.
I stop, "I love you."
"I love you, too." I say.
I walk away, then go upstairs. Meadow is sitting in her bed staring at the door. "Meadow, I'll be back in a few hours. Do you need anything?"
"Never have." She whispers.
"Do you want to come with me?"
"No." She says.
"Okay." I go to my room and shower quickly and change into leggings and a t-shirt. Then I grab my purse and go back to the theater where rivers awake but staring. "Riv?"
"Hm?"
"I'm going out for a little bit. But I'll be back. Do you need anything?"
"I don't know." She whispers.
"Okay, if you think of anything tell daddy and he'll let me know."
"Okay. Thanks."
I go back to the office where nicks mediating, "I'm leaving. If they need anything, let me know. I'll be back."
"Okay."
I go out to the car and dial moms number, "mommy?" I whisper as she answers.
"Demi? What's wrong?"
"Are you at home?"
"Yeah."
"I'm on my way."
I hang up and drive the seven minutes to her house. I stand at the door debating on ringing the doorbell. But then she opens the door. We just stare at each other for a second. She looks so small and exhausted. I sob as I fling myself into her. We hold each other until we get to the couch. " I'm so sorry momma."
"It's not your fault. What's going on with you?"
"I can't do this." I sob.
"What part?"
"I can't be a mom. Not to them not to this baby inside of me..." She gasps, "oh no." I sob even harder. "No, this isn't how I wanted anyone to find out. Oh no. I'm so sorry." I sob harder. She pulls me into her.
"Hey, it's okay. This is exciting."
"No it's not." I cry.
"What do you mean?"
"Momma, they hate me. This baby is going to hate me. I can't do this."
"Demetria." I detach from her and look at her. "Stop." I try to control myself but break down in sobs again, "you've got this." I shake my head, "why do you think everyone hates you?"
"I just keep letting everyone down. River and Meadow are hurting and hiding things from me. They are so closed off from me that they aren't telling me crucial information about there life's. I'm just to weak to listen to everything that has molded them into the people they are. I'm to fucking weak to listen to everything."
"Like what? Im assuming... I mean Dallas said things got really intense but she won't say what. So what are they hiding?"
"River, she got a letter from Sam from prison. He's telling her to watch her back because he's coming. I mean she got this letter days ago, went on a binge... drinking... and cutting and I don't even know what else, right now. Apparently, Corrbin broke up with her and all I want to do is hold her and tell her I love her but she won't let anyone touch her." I sob, "and Meadow, she oh god. She's just a baby. But she's fucked up, twisted. I mean I think I'm more worried about Meadow than I am River. She's being bullied like bad. And she's eating everything. But she's sneaky. I thought out of the three, that she was going to be okay. But damn. She's so smiley and bubbly. But her bubbles been popped and she's dark. I mean I just literally bared it all to them showed them all my scars. She just looked at me." I take a breath, "I mean I showed them all my scars. And I got through to Riv, but Meadow just looked at me Stoic and said, 'that meant nothing to me."
I just let the tears flow, as Mom chuckles, "Meadow sounds like your karma." I look at her, "I mean think about it, River, she's smart, but she wears her heart on her sleeve. But Meadow, sounds exactly like you. Now this is going to be hard, but everything you did to me, is coming back to bite you in the ass. Meadow is acting just like you."
I gasp, "fuck."
"Yeah. It's going to be incredibly difficult. You have two broken girls at the same time. But they have not only one really strong person but they have two. Something you didn't have. I'm going to tell you this from experience. Experience with you, you have to always watch Meadow. Never ever stop or you'll lose her."
I nod, "that's my biggest fear. I just really needed to talk to you. What do I do now?"
"Well, baby steps. You are going to go get River."
"She —"
"Stop. Let me finish." I nod. "You're going to go get her. I don't care if you have to drag her by her hair. You and her are going to go drive, take her somewhere that is calming for her, somewhere she loves maybe. And you are going to be there."
"She doesn't want me. I'm not here person. She doesn't want me to do anything for her."
"It's not about what she wants. It's about what she needs. She needs to know that when her heart is broken, she's terrified, overwhelmed, shredded and exhausted. That her mom is going to be there. But Demi, she's going to have to start any conversation. And I know you love to talk, but if she doesn't want to. Shut up and let the silence do the talking. Do not go home until she's cried and screamed. Then take her home. That's what I did for you and Dallas' first heartbreak. Because let me tell you a secret." I look at her and she smiles, "you're stupid, you don't understand and you never will because you're the mom you just don't understand anything she's feeling right now. So just don't say anything. I promise it's the easiest way to be supportive."
"Okay. God this sucks."
"Honestly," she sighs, "I'm excited for karma to get cha!"
I laugh, for the first time in days I laugh out loud, "great!" I roll my eyes, "I hope you enjoy the show."
"Baby, I'm still your mom. Anytime you need me I'll be there.I'm just so excited to see you be a mom."
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Now, go help your broken hearted daughter. She needs you."
"Mom, can I just sit here with you for five minutes."
She nods, "call Nick tell him to have river ready in 15 minutes. But yes, I missed you so much."
I call Nick and have him get River ready for me. Then I sit in cineplex's silence with my mom. "You need to wash your face." She whispers, "I'll call you tomorrow, after I talk to the doctors about discharging Maddie to a facility."
"Thank you. Mom?" I say as I stand she looks at me as I hold my hand out to her pulling her up from the couch, "I did have a strong person throughout my life and I still do. Thank you for supporting me all the time. I love you so much."
"I love you, too. Now, wash your face and get out of here. I'll talk to you tomorrow."