A Brand New Day

Chapter 52

Nicks pov
I leave the house feeling like a complete piece of shit. My heart is shattered and worse River's heart is shattered. I don't know how to deal with it. I've hurt and abandoned my favorite daughter. I love her so much and I don't know how to convey that to her from a distance. I just have to make it up to her. Make her understand that no matter what she's my little girl and I love her.
When I get back to Joe's I know I've made a huge mistake. But I'm close enough to the house if god forbid anything happens or they need me. I'm laying in bed staring at the ceiling for only god knows how long. My phone starts to ring and I check the time. It's 1:27 in the morning and River's words ring in my ears as I stare at Demi's name on my screen, 'I think you are a coward.' And maybe I am. I sigh and hit the green button, "Demi?"
"I can't find her." She says exhausted and drained of emotion.
I sit up, "what do you mean?"
"She's not in the house." Demi sighs totally numb.
"I'm on my way," I say sliding on my shoes.
"I'm sorry." She whispers.
"Not now." I snap, "where did you look for her?"
"The house"
"Where? There's a thousand rooms, Demetria."
"Her room, the guest rooms, the theater, everywhere."
"Okay," I say starting the car, "outside?"
"It's 1:30 in the morning. No, I didn't check outside."
"Does she know the new code?"
"I don't think so."
"Does she have her phone?"
"I don't know."
"Jesus Demi! What do you know?" I snap as I speed through the streets.
"I'm sorry. I can't think." She whimpers, defeated. My heart aches at her voice, "I don't know. I'm going to bed."
"No! You can't just go to bed when things get hard."
"Good night, Nick." And she hangs up.
I punch the steering wheel, "fucking bitch!" I scream, then immediately I'm disgusted with myself. I've never even thought those words about my wife before. I make it to the house, punch in the code. I park the car and go inside. I check on Meadow first and she's sprawled out across her bed. I tuck her back in and kiss her forehead. I go to Demi and i's room. I flick on the lights and she's laying in bed with the blanket pulled up under her chin. She doesn't flinch or move, she doesn't even look at me. But I stare at her she looks so little and broken. I can't leave her like this.
I make my way around the bed to Demi's nightstand and open the top drawer. Then sit on the edge of the bed and turn back to look at Demi, "her phones gone. She has it. Did you track it?"
Demi doesn't take her eyes off the ceiling but tears are rolling down her cheeks. She doesn't say a word. I sigh and bite my tongue as I open the find my iPhone app. It says she's still at the house, "she's here somewhere. Get up."
This is the first time that Demi looks at me. "Get up." I snap ripping the blanket away from her body, I stand and go to the closet and grab her a sweatshirt. She's staring at me as I come out still laying in bed stiff as board, I stop, "Demi, get up! Now!" I snap raising my voice, which instantly bringing tears to her eyes.
"I can't." She whimpers.
I walk over to her, "you can and you will." I say grabbing her hand and pulling her into a sitting position. She lets out a sob as I slip the sweatshirt over her arms and head. She continues to cry, as I pull her to her feet. She's weak and wobbly. "You have to get it together, you are growing our child. This isn't healthy."
"I know." She sobs hysterically.
I stop her before we descend the stairs and cup her face in my hands, "stop. It's going to be okay. You are still my beautiful wife. I still love you. You have to get a grip."
"Okay, okay." She nods, " I'm so sorry Nick."
"I know." I support her down the stairs. When we get to the bottom I slide her slippers on her feet and open the front door. The night hits us like a slap in the face, she sucks in a breath of the crisp cool air. She seems more stable on her feet so I take her hand. We are silent as we wander around the front of the house. Demi releases my hand wraps herself around my waist trying to get closer. We make our way down the driveway and through the trees. I use the flashlight on my phone to see. We don't see her in the front so we wonder through the trees to the back yard. After what seems like hours Demi whispers, "I can't do this without you."
"You don't have to. We can't talk about this right now."
"I'm so sorry Nick. I just was so scared that if you found out you would hate me. You have carried me through hell. I was supposed to be better. You thought I was better, if I told you, then... then..."
"You lied to me."
"I just didn't say anything. I didn't want you to have to fix me again. How many times am I supposed to expect that you're going to pick the pieces up and put me back together? That's not fair to you. I was trying to figure myself out by myself."
"I am supposed to piece you back together as many times as I need to, I am your husband. But I want to find my daughter. I don't want to talk about this right now." I say as I dial River's number, her phone rings out and we follow the sound to the trampoline. Demi and I both freeze when we see her.
She's curled into a tiny ball, shivering, wrapped in a blanket clinging to Shadow, with her phone next to her playing music with dried tears on her face.
"She's so alone," Demi whispers, "we really broke her. We're making her worst. We're killing her."
"No, we're helping her. We love her. I love her."
"Look at her." Demi says in tears, "what can she ever achieve if she's so isolated and terrified all the time. It's her fucking birthday and she's alone outside and freezing. She probably feels completely deflated and defeated. It's all our fault. It's all my fault." She cries.
"We can help her. We can teacher her how to cope. We can help her achieve all of her dreams and hopes." I squeeze Demi's hand and turn her to look at me, "we- we can do this. I still love you. I don't love all that you have done and hid from me. We can do this, work through this for us, but for her as well. You can not check out. You just can't. I love you. You're so beautiful. I promised you for better or for worse. This is the worst but we can do this. I love you." I pull her into me and breathe in the scent of her hair. We stand there for a moment holding each other swaying back and forth. "I'm going to bring her inside. Can you carry her phone, pillow and blanket?" Demi nods.
I crawl onto the trampoline waking Shadow causing her to bark. I set Shadow down in the grass and hand Demi all the things.
"River, it's daddy." I whisper as I tap her shoulder, but I still manage to scare her. She yelps, and begins to struggle until she opens her eyes and realizes it's me. She takes in a sharp breath, and looks around, "go away!" She snaps in a whisper, pushing me.
I ignore her and scoop her up anyways. Unlike other times she brings to thrash, push and hit me, "let go of me." She whimpers, "leave me alone!"
"Stop it!" I tell her as I hold her tight.
"Get off of me. You don't love me. You left me." She sobs.
I freeze for a moment and hold her tightly, "I know baby. I'm so sorry"
"No! No you're not! You broke your promise! You left! You broke my heart! I hate you."
"I know." I can feel the tears running down my face. Demi is standing next to me, with her arm around my waist.
I hang my head in shame and Demi whispers, "I'm so sorry."
"You left!" River sobs, "you broke your promise! I'll never forgive you."
I sit on a pool chair just holding her as tight as I can crying with Demi beside me, "I know. I'm so sorry. Get it out baby, tell me."
She just begins to sob hysterically, "I'm so scared! And you left me. I loved you so much! And... you— you— you were my favorite person and —" she's trying to catch her breath, Demi grabs my hand, "you broke my heart! You killed me. I don't want to do this, without you. I want my daddy! I— I hate you! I— I can't breathe."
"I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can say to fix this immediately, but I'll show you. I broke your heart and I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry this is what had to happen for me to realize I can't leave you ever again. I'm so sorry."
"You're a liar."
"I know. I'm so sorry. Please, let me show you how much I love you and care."
"I want my mom" she whispers.
"I'm right here River." Demi whispers through tears.
River shoves me away from her with full force and Demi takes her to her room.
I sit outside completely numb and ashamed. I don't know how long I sat there before I decided to go inside.
I go into the kitchen and start making breakfast because I know I'm not going to be able to sleep. I crack eggs into a bowl and scramble them like how my brain and heart feel right now. I didn't mean for this to happen. Demi comes down as the eggs sizzle in he skillet, she stares at me from across the island, "is there anything I can say?" She whispers.
I sigh, "no. Do you want bacon or just toast?"
"Just toast please."
"I want bacon!" Meadow says walking in, causing us to both jump. Demi chuckles. "I smelt breakfast, but it's still dark out, what's going on?"
"Breakfast at 2:45 in the morning, apparently." Demi says shrugging.
Meadow narrows her eyes and looks at both of us, but shrugs, "I love breakfast. Daddy, will you add cinnamon to my eggs?"
"Yes."
This is as close as we've been to normal since New York. Meadow goes to the fridge and pulls out the fruit.
She boosts herself up on the counter and begins eating grapes. Demi sits on a stool and watches her. Meadow swings her feet and hums to herself, but stops when she notices Demi staring at her, "what?" She snaps.
"Nothing. You're just so content right now."
"I am." Meadow says popping a grape in her mouth.
"That's good." Demi says with a small smile.
I scoop up some eggs for Demi on a plate and turn to hand them to her as Meadow locks eyes with Demi and says, "you're dying."  I freeze and Demi's mouth falls open, as Meadow pops another grape in her mouth.
I unfreeze myself and ask, "what the hell  does that mean?" As I slide Demi her plate.
Meadow shrugs, "she's quiet and fading away. She's like River when she's mute. You're going to do something big and bad."
I squint at her for a moment, trying to figure out what the fuck kind of prophecy this is.
But Demi speaks first after taking a bite of eggs, "what are you some kind of witch? Can you see the future or something?" 
Meadow doesn't say anything just takes her plate from me and eats. She sighs, "no." Then she smiles, "I just— I don't know, I just get these feelings and I'm usually right."
Demi and I stare at each other trying to read each others mind while in silence, I know she's thinking the same thing, Meadow is fucking bizarre.
We eat in silence, them meadow says "good night." And hops of the counter and goes upstairs.
Demi joins me at the sink and helps me load the dishwasher, "well... are you going to do something big and bad?"
"I hope not. I think all my big and bad  behavior has left me. That was so fucking weird."
"Yeah, and I hope so." I think for a minute and chuckle, "should we get her a cauldron?"
Demi giggles, "I don't know. I mean what if she's an actual witch."
"I don't even know." I say as I lean over and kiss the top of her head.
"I'm so tired. Will you..." she sighs then shakes her head.
"What?"
"Nothing." She says so sad as she dries her hands.
I decide to let it go. I follow her upstairs, Demi goes to our room and I go check on River. She's curled up in a ball in her bed. I move her hair out of her face and sit beside her.
"I'm so sorry. I am so angry with myself for letting you down. I didn't mean to. I guess, I am a coward. I just don't know how to get over the information I now know. I am so sorry. You reminded me that I am more than just a man or husband. I am a dad now. I am your dad. I am so proud of you. Your honesty and bravery is astounding. You are so strong. I can't believe that you're strong enough to tell me to man up and be your dad. I am only human, River. I am make mistakes. I will make this up to you. I love everything you are. I am so proud of you. Thank you for making me a better man and your dad. Happy birthday, baby." I wipe my tears and kiss her forehead.
I then go check on Meadow, who is sound asleep. Then I go to my room. I find Demi, curled into a ball in the middle of the bed silently crying to herself. I change and climb into bed with her. She turn to look at me, I can see her brown eyes watering in the moonlight, "I—"
"Shh.. come here" I whisper pulling her as close to me as I can. I lock eyes with her. I can feel her body instantly relax. I kiss her nose lightly. "I love you Demetria."
"I love you Nicholas."