A Brand New Day

Chapter 51

Mom's dying. I saw it in her eyes. She's fading away. I sit down across from Cassandra in Meadow and they look at me waiting. I don't say anything because I don't have anything to say. Dallas comes in, "um... Demi's not coming." She says shrugging.
" what do you mean?" That ask from behind us making us all jump.
"She..." Dallas says, turning to him, "it's just like when Mason d—"
" I understand." Dad says cutting Dallas off and rubbing his jaw. "I'll go talk to her."
"No!" I say, causing everyone to turn and look at me, " you need to tell us what the hell is going on with you two."
Dad looks me in the eyes, and then I Cassandra, who shrugs and says, "she's right."
"Mom says you're taking a break?"
"How does that make you feel?" Cassandra asks in a typical therapist tone.
I turned and glared to her, " how does that make me feel? Are you fucking serious?" I turn around and look at Dad again, " It makes me think you're a coward."
"Meadow, why don't you go to your room." Cassandra says as I stare at dad, my face heating up as my blood boils. His face is red too with a flash of anger in his eyes.
"I want to stay." Meadow whispers.
"Dallas, take her to her room." Cassandra says.
Dallas holds out her hand to Meadow as she stands shoving her chair into the table and says, "this is bullshit, it affects me too."
"Wait." Cassandra says stopping meadow in her tracks, "you're right this does affect you, but I think it's better if you have a separate conversation. River has already started so it's best if she says her piece first."
"Whatever." Meadow says through gritted teeth and stomps to her room.
"You think I'm a coward?" Dad repeats to me as he sit across from me.
"Why do you think that, river?" Cassandra asks.
Her tone is pissing me off, but I respond, "you left."
"I'm here right now."
"Yeah, right now. But you're going to leave again."
"I just need to think."
"And I just need my daddy." I whisper as I get pissed at myself for getting emotional.
"I'm always here for you."
"In spirit. You... you..." I get choked up, "you aren't here. I need you here. Everyday. I trust you. I thought you weren't ever going to leave me."
"I won't."
"But you will! You're my... u don't know you're my daddy."
"You're my favorite." He whispers, "I love you more than you know, but I'm only human. I'm a person, I have feelings and u get scared too. I'm... shit, River... I'm just a person, I'm overwhelmed." He says staring at me with tears in his eyes.
"That's not fair!" I snap, "so you're allowed to just leave, escape from this shit storm, to... to... run away from us. You don't actually love us. You don't actually love me."
"Don't you fucking say that to me!" Dad snaps angry, then burst into tears, "don't say that to me. You don't know! You don't know everything river."
"Wait." Cassandra says trying to interject but I keep going.
My heart is racing. " don't yell at me. If you loved me you would stay. You would fight. I don't get a fucking break! I have to live with this shit. You knew mom wanted to leave, so what did you do? You fucking did it first, coward!" My heart is beating so loud I can hear it in my ears, I see his hands clench into fists, and snot bubble in his nostril, "you left before she could and now shes dying in front of us and it's all your fault! Because you were a coward and left first! But what about us!" I scream at him, and my vision is staring to get fuzzy.
"I'm not a coward!" He growls at me.
"Wait! Stop!" Cassandra says sternly.
My head is getting fuzzy and the air I'm sticking in won't go into my lungs, "you are a coward, you're scared and you left! YOURE KILLING HER!"
"Wait! Stop!" Cassandra shouts
"I AM NOT A COWARD! River, you don't know what she did!"
Cassandra is crouched beside me, she grabs my hand I yank it away, "River, you have to breathe."
"I'm not a coward!"
"You're a coward, a liar, you're selfish! You're... you're..."
"Stop! Nick! Stop!" Cassandra stands and leans across the table aligning her face to block dad from looking at me. He slams his fist against the table and pushes back from his chair. "Reset." I'm panting and dad stalks off toward the stairs.
"No!" I scream hysterically, "you do not get to see the destruction you've caused!" I try to stand but my whole body is vibrating and I can see black spots. "Leave her alone! Don't you dare bother my momma, after everything you've done!"
He turns around and stalks to the garage. "River."
"Shut up!" I snap at her!
"Come on breathe"
"I hate you!" I screech at her. I cover my ears and grip the hair behind my ears.
"Hey! Hey! Stop!" Dallas comes in and pulls the chair I'm sitting in away from the table, Cassandra stands and goes to the kitchen, "River you have to breathe, you're going to pass out."
"I hate him Dallas! I hate him! He's... he's...."
"Hold on. You've got to breathe."
"Here." Cassandra says handing me a water.
"He's a coward. She's dying and he's crying! It's all his fault."
"Hey, I hear you. I know you think that but you have to breathe. You don't hate him."
"I do!" I scream at her.
"Okay. Okay. Here try a sip of water."
"No! I don't want it! I want my mom and dad! I want to be normal, I want to go to school, I want my boyfriend! I don't want fucking water! I want my life back!"
"I know. Baby, I know. It's more complicated than you know. You don't know everything." She pulls the paper that live in her back pocket out. "Come on baby breathe. In through your mouth, one, two, three, hold it one two three, out through your mouth. Okay do it again." I can feel my vision starting to focus, "you are so brave. You are beautiful, strong and selfless. I will never leave you."
"Everyone always leaves." I sob,
"No, we will never leave you. Come one babe, breathe. Listen." I stare into her eyes and listen, "we will never leave you. You are compassionate. You are powerful, brilliant, smart. You are clean. I am proud of you. I love you so much."
I take another breath, "okay go get him ready." I say to Cassandra. She leaves, the room and Dallas takes my hand.
"Babe listen to him, you have to listen."
"He's a liar."
"You don't know everything."
"Ugh!" I groan.
I hear the garage door home and dad stomps into the kitchen and opens the fridge, then slams himself into a chair across the table. He looks at me and the press ice against his knuckles. He sighs, "I am not a coward."
I chuckle and I see his face turn red as he glances at Cassandra, "yes, you are." I say.
"No!" He shouts.
"Nick, you have to remain calm." Cassandra says.
He takes a deep breath and locks eyes with me, I shift in my seat uncomfortable, "no." He sighs, "I am not responsible for her actions. She made choices. She chose to keep things from me. She—"
"Woah, hold on." Cassandra interrupts him, "nick, she doesn't need details. That's between you and your wife. Tell River your plan."
He hangs his head down staring at his bruised knuckles. "I don't know." He whispers.
"What if they come for me?" I whisper after a few moments of silence, "what if they come for me and you're not her. I'll think about you. I'll cry and beg for you as they hurt me. You are the only man who has never hurt me until now. You're leaving me. I'm scared, broken, confused, overwhelmed and now I'm alone. You're leaving me to figure it out. I need you to help me. I need you to protect me because you promised you would."
"I don't—" then he puts his head in his hands and sobs, "I'm so sorry! I'm trying. I— River." I stare at him, my heart rate picking up again, I've never seen him like this before, I want to crawl into his lap and hug him, but he's just going to leave after this, " I'm trying."
"Please daddy be brave and stay, for me. If I'm your favorite and you love me stay for me."
"I'm— I just need a few more days. I'm sorry River I just need 3 more days to think, I have to get my head right."
"What could she have possibly done to make you leave me like this?"
"Nick..." Cassandra says shaking her head at him narrowing her eyes.
"She— she didn't do anything. She just kept her feeling inside. She hid things from me."
"What?"
"Please tell me. You called her a slur, did she cheat? I want to know, because right now you're breaking my heart and I hate you."
"No, she kept... secrets."
"Everyone's entitled to their secrets, dad get over it."
"River this isn't about you. It's frankly none of your business." Cassandra says
"Well, then frankly, you disgust me!" I scream pointing at home, "and I fucking hate you! BOTH! I'm done! Fuck off!"
"River why don't you go take a break, I want to talk to your dad." Cassandra says dismissing me.
"Fuck you!" I whisper as I walk away from the table. I go to my room and flop onto my bed and scream into my pillow.