Challenge Accepted

11 I'm Sorry

( Stella's Prospective)

Photography quote: "Photography is the story I fail to put into words" - Destin Sparks

A week passed and I felt like drinking my ass off. And that's what I did. I will admit I been a fuck up. I realized I may have said something stupid towards Zion, I apologized the day after, but it probably didn't change a thing. For some reason a week has passed without any contact with Zion and it feels like he has been avoiding me. I want to give him time, because I know he's been busy and I've been very emotional towards him. So I waited. 

 At this moment it has passed a month and I started to get even more worried. So, I caved in and threw him a text. "It's been a month; I don't know what's wrong, but I have apologized. I don't think I said anything that bad...I know I'm stupid and I did an immature action and I'm sorry to have bothered you. Are we really going to do this?" I sent. I have no clue what is going through his head because I don't even know what's going through mine. I thought we had a thing going on. For gods sake we already fucked... "What did I do or say to really piss you off? I know I said some stuff but what got you all upset?" I added after a minute pasted. Zion finally answered after five minutes and It made my heart crack. Waiting and giving him time was not a good idea, I thought as I read his message.

"If you don't remember, forget it. It's not important" He sent.

"It is important" I sent

"You forgot how to treat and talk to me" Zion added

"Are you expecting me to forgive you for what you said? '' He sent once again.

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness; I'm just telling you that I admit that I was an Idiot. I just want to talk this out Zion..." My heart pounds, my chest rising so fast that it's hard to breath. It feels like my heart and soul just sank at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic. Already disappearing into ashes, being forgotten in the bottom of the sea.

"Forget it, I'm busy at the moment, and I don't want to discuss this, I'll talk to you tomorrow" He sent.

"Ok... Can you just give me a hint please?" I asked

"It wasn't the fact that you were out of it, it's the fact that you said something, and you don't even know, what you said" I can hear his anger, feel his emotions and aroma through the phone. As I read the text. I cried the guilt I felt was crazy, I hurt him so bad. The fact that I can't even remember what I said pisses me off even more.

"Let's talk later. '' he sent I started crying even more as I admitted to my stupidity. My vulnerability showed even more as I told him, through text and begged him that I couldn't lose him. I kid you not I spent at least six hours or more crying. How is that possible? Six hours or more trying to remember what the flying fuck did I say to fuck up Zions and I's relationship. I don't even know what we were, what was going on. All I knew was that at that moment. I knew that I was so close to losing him if I hadn't already. I thought I already felt pain, when I had to wait. We were just beginning. How is it that it already feels like its ending? This shit hurts more than anything I have been through, A physical stab to the heart could have been better. Daggers could stab every part of my body as long as Zion was still "mine". I curled up in my bed. Thinking and thinking, crying and crying. Going deeper in depression, blaming myself for everything, wishing I held back. Wishing that I wasn't sick. Hoping that somehow, I could fix this. I cried and cried even longer than six hours. I looked at my clock and it was already seven. I already had to get ready for school. I was thinking and crying all night that I didn't even realize I hadn't slept a wink. Then I remembered. I remembered mumbling out a sentence that spoke truth to my heart. And I got angry. Either it was towards myself or to Zion for doing this to me. Making me overthink everything I've done. 'You take care of me at times then treat me with little to no respect. Can't you pick one already? You're such a bully, I know I am as well, but I don't play with you like you do. You give me attention than just back out as fast as lightning" It was this whole paragraph that called him out that pissed him off? I put a hoodie and baggy pants on and grabbed my stuff for school.

"Hey, want to go to school together? It's been a while since we hung out. I'll drive us" Scar said. I looked up, seeing her making a sandwich. "It's also raining so... "she said, then looking at me with a worried look on her face. I nod giving her a weak smile. Fake it till you make it Stella, fake it till you make it. I thought those words repeatedly in my head. For the rest of the day. Seeing Zion sucked. Hurting my soul like no other. I've never felt this way with any other guy. Why him? I even cried during his class. Iv finally hit rock bottom. Where love can fully destroy a person. I want us back. Whatever we had, I want it back. I miss him, I miss us. I would glance at him once in a while just so I can hear about our next assignment. And of course it's a photoshoot about emotions. How a photo can connect with your choice of song. I knew exactly what song and what to do. I just can't believe he didn't even glance at me once. We had a month to do this shoot. Let's just say that it would make it about three months of Zion and I not communicating. Three months of my depression being the strongest it has ever been. Three months of overthinking, not eating or overeating.