Challenge Accepted

15 Mistake

Photography quote: "We are making photographs to understand what our lives mean to us."

- Ralph Hattersley

WARNING Triggers of self-harm 

I ran and ran and ran until I got to my bathroom In Scar's and I's apartment. I broke, my heart felt like it shattered even more than before. I thought I have already broke, but I still had a type of hope that he would still feel the way we felt before all of my mistakes. I had a knife in my pocket and a zippo. That I would fidget with a lot. Apparently, the zippo ran out of juice. So, I couldn't distract myself with flames. The next thing I knew, I had scars on my left arm and left leg. They didn't even sting at that moment. At first there were only three then soon enough there were about nine on my arm and four on my leg. Then bam, the next thing you know I was calling Scar. Hyperventilating, and apologizing over and over again. I heard her chair squeak and her feet running downstairs.

"DON'T MOVE! ARE YOU AT HOME!" She yelled as I heard a car honk at her through the phone.

"Ye- yea-yeah" I answered, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, all I did was cry and cry and apologize. "H-H-He cu-t ties with me, Scar. It's...? I'm sorry" I looked at my arm and there was blood leaking through. I hadn't realized I cut deep enough for it to bleed, until I saw red liquid drip.

"I'll be there soon" She hung up and I threw my phone on the floor. I kept crying, trying to breathe but I couldn't, I was talking to myself. Naming all the mistakes I could possibly think of that made me be in this situation. Playing with my knife wondering if I should make another scar on my leg. I cried Zion's name. Screaming in my head, because I couldn't say it out loud with all the tears in my eyes and my mouth being open from crying and not being able to breathe. "Just end it" I finally said out loud. Couple seconds later Jay and Scar ran into the room. At the moment I wasn't shocked that Cole wasn't there. For some reason I had a feeling that Jay would be in front of me in this situation. His eyes widened as he saw me, a mess with a bloody arm.

"Give me the first aid box now" Scar said to Jay and sat next to me on the bathroom floor. She pulled me close, and I cried in her arms, more than when I was alone. "Stella..." She said my name so calmly that it made me cry even more...

"I-I-I'M SORRY" I wined in a high-pitched voice. My head pounded and my eyes watered even more. She grabbed my arm and sighed as I looked at her.

"Is this the only place?" I looked at my leg, not being able to see blood or feel it. Thinking that I hadn't cut deep enough to even leave a mark. I nod my head. "I'll be right back," she said. She left the room, and I rolled my pant leg up to my knee, so I could get a better look at it. I see Jay standing in front of the open bathroom door. He said nothing, but I could tell he was angry. His shoulders are once again tense and his eyes staring at me like daggers. I sit there still hyperventilating, looking at my scars. I saw them as pretty, wanting to make more of them but realized that Scar had taken my knife and phone away from me. I exhaled a shaky sigh and started to cry again. Scar walks in pushing Jay away and sat beside me again on the floor. Handing me a brown, plastic bag. Telling me to breath in and out. So, I did as I was told, and it took me maybe five minutes to catch my breath. "I'm sorry" I said.

"Stop saying sorry and breathe" Scar said. I put the bag down after a couple of more breaths into the bag.

"Drink" she said, handing me a glass of water, that Jay had handed her. I did as I was told, once again. She grabbed my left arm and started to clean it with a damp towel. She saw a bigger scratch that was black. "Is that from today?" She asked.

"No, I scratched myself too hard yesterday" I answered, having a couple of words coming out shaky. Which wasn't a lie. Jay had overwhelmed me that night, it was hard for me to sleep, and I couldn't stop scratching myself from my anxiety.  

I took the damp towel and put it on my left leg, where scars had appeared. She looked at me and I just felt like crying again. But I hold myself back, knowing that I've cried enough. Knowing that If I had started crying again, I wouldn't stop. 

"He cut ties with me, compared us to his past abusive relationship" I said, breaking the silence.

"Stella..." She said quietly.

"Was I abusive?" I asked, looking up at her with watery eyes.

"NO, no, God no, I would have yelled at you if you were. You didn't talk much about the relationship, but how you acted. You looked far from the one who was abusing someone "she said, grabbing both sides of my face, making me look into her golden eyes.

"Ok..." I said starting to cry once again. "Sorry" I added. She shook her head.

"Don't say that anymore" She hissed.

"Ok... I really want to say it" I said, giving a weak smile.

"NO!" She said, shaking her head giving me a stern look.

"Jay almost ran me over. I hopped into his car and told him to go to our house ASAP. Probably the fastest I have run in my entire life. Also, making it the fastest I've had ditched class" she said as she gave a weak laugh.

"S-" before I could finish the word, she glared at me. I just smiled weakly and looked up at Jay. "Thanks" I said. He gave me a weak smile back, looking down at me. I know he wanted to cuss Zion out. I know he knows that I'm hurting because of him. I see it in his narrow eyes and his tightly, curled-up fist he's hiding behind his back.

"I'm going to be deleting messages and photos of... You know" she said I looked at her and she knew right away that I was about to break once again but I didn't. Her voice and her touch on my shoulder helped me take another breather. "I know, but honey... Do you see this? You know I care for you; this is for your own good" She helped me up and we moved to the couch. Jay spilled some Hydrogen Peroxide on my arm and leg over a bucket and helped me bandage and wrap my scars up, as I sat up on the couch. My back towards Scar and my left leg on Jay. I look at Jay as he is wrapping up my leg.

"S- Thanks" I said to Jay.

"No problem, Stella" he said, looking up at me. Gently stroking my wrapped leg. I sigh, still trying to clear my mind on wanting to cut again.

I fell asleep after an hour. All three of us were fast asleep. I don't know how long we were out. But we were out good. Because the next thing you know an alarm rang for me to go to work for the next day.

"You're not going to work today, Stella. Just take a breather, please." Scar said, stopping the ringing. Jay was still asleep, and I just felt empty. Scar pulls me in close to her noticing that I was crying. " Honey..." she embraces me tighter, and I weep into her arm once again.