Challenge Accepted

22 Moving and lyrics

Zions prospective

Photography Quote

"One glance, that's all I want it to take for my photos to be loved and admired, that's all I want it to take for someone to want to stare at it for life, to feel the emotions I felt as I took the photo. To become ready for whatever is in store for the viewers future" - (Author)

I packed up ready for Arizona. But not ready to know if Stella took the deal or not. As I recall conversations with Stella I remember promising that we would move in together one day, after she gets her Photojournalism degree. I don't know if that will happen after she graduates or not. If somehow fate makes me feel less hurt and angry towards her. Maybe they will pull us back together in the future. Right person wrong time? Part of me hopes that and the other tells me to move on, even though I can't. I drink, go to bars, focus on work for my dream house I'm working on in Arizona and finishing my car. I have plenty of money but that's my excuse for why I work the way I do.

I once told Stella I would marry her. I told her I wrote a song for her, that I had a necklace prepared for her. That I had an idea for the rings. The other day was the first day of summer vacation and that's when I received the necklace for Stella. The person personally gave it to me, making sure it was safe in my hands. I gave him the money and he left. I held the black diamond necklace in my hand, in a silver box that took a full year and a couple months to arrive. The only problem is I don't have THE women. It's so shiny and beautiful and I just know she would hate me for this. I gave her so many promises and hope, that it even hurts me. I didn't even sing the song I wrote for her because I wanted to wait. I thought I would be able to wait long enough for my guitar to be done. I made excuses like I had to practice singing and that I wanted it to be perfect. I wasn't lying, I just didn't want to tell her that my guitar was a little banged up, and that it's getting fixed to my liking. I wanted to be customized into a rattlesnake curled up, with flames around the snake making it pop. And I wanted the guitar peck to look like the snake's rattle. Making the strings camouflage. The back would look like a rock. So, looking at it from the side or the front it would be seen as a rattlesnake curled up, laying on a rock. I was even thinking on the bottom right I would put Stella's name. Name the guitar after her. My name would be on the bottom left, so people knew it belonged to me, so the people would know she belongs to me. As I pack, I see the lyrics for the song I wrote for her. I scoff and take a big inhale and exhale. My chest hurts as I read the words.

"She's rough and annoying

a brat that is mine.

I think it's meant to be...

A woman who's brave and fisty

Who makes me laugh and smile without even realizing.

Heart pounds even if we argued in the beginning. Enemies who love without realizing.

Our first kiss was electric, making us feel so free.

With my enemy I'm free

With Enemy I feel

With Enemy I'm me

I loveeee and protect her secretly

In her reality I shit talk and bully her every day.

Never did I think she would be the one that would change me.

My thoughts make me think life might not be so rough. Her laughs make me smile and when she's sad it makes me want to hold her even if she's, my enemy. When I see her all I can do is be grateful she's in my life. Even if we are enemies.

I want the dance to last forever—.

She's rough and annoying a brat that is mine

I really think this is meant to be

I really think she will be mine

Even though she will always be my enemy.

She makes me live

She makes me laugh

She makes me feel and love and laugh

Oooooo ooo

I really think this is meant to beeee ooh ooh.

She and I may be enemies.

I suck at writing but all I could feel was in the lyrics. I wanted it to be funny and be able to laugh at this with her. But I also wanted her to cry and make her realize that I really care for her. Although now I probably broke her more than she already was. She warned me that her feelings were chaotic. She warned me that when she gets clingy, she gets more needy. When she's attached, she warned me how she would react. And I told her I accepted that because I was similar. So, what went wrong? Was it me being so busy? Or her being what I told her to be. Which was herself, but more clingy and needy. I told her I wanted her to be like that and now I just tore her to pieces by breaking all my promises. I pack my last box up and move them into the moving van. Here I come, Arizona, my heart beats faster because all of my feelings just start to pile up once again. I do what I used to do, shove it down, hide them and fake it. With Stella, she made me become open and made me accept my feelings, but I go back to what I was. A monster who showed only anger and faked my facial expression and true feelings. I shove all the emotions down, making myself ready for the future. To focus on work and to forget about my hurt emotions.

***Next day***

I arrived in Arizona, my brother, Shane, who was surprisingly happy to see me. Seemed like he had stayed clean besides the vaping, like he had promised. I'm just hoping this past year won't end up like the reason why I decided to leave Arizona in the first place. I'm only coming back Because of my career. I'm only putting up with him and my ex because I have to move on from the past and honestly Arizona has plenty of places, I know of to take my mind off everything. I can avoid my brother and my ex because I'm an adult now. Moving in this large mansion won't be that difficult to avoid and it's just for a month.

*** A month passed***

Fireworks burst into the air, and I recall the night Stella and I shared, going out in the middle of the desert where you can see the city and the exploding colorful sparks appearing in the dark, black, clear sky makes me recall all the memories she and I shared that day. I messed up and I know that. I miss her and I hope she knows that. But these past couple months I changed, changed into someone I really didn't want to be. Changed back to who I was before she even entered my life. Maybe even worse. I. Moved out of the mansion because I finished my house earlier than expected. Now I'm here in this big house alone with my dog Sally. She's spoiled. A brat, small, gray and wrinkly. She fits on my lap perfectly as I'm in bed. She reminds me of her. I suck, I overreacted, I don't want us to end like this. The memories are too much to carry and it's too hard to move on from. No push it down Zion. I do, I push all the thoughts and feelings down and I ignore the world, besides my buddy's I game with. Apex is where I go to take my mind off of everything.