Challenge Accepted

20 Tears While Driving

Zions perspective

Photography fact Quote: "Photography is all about secrets. The secrets we all have and will never tell"- Kim Edwards

I know I wasn't always there for Stella when she needed me. Even though in some other's eyes I appeared as a type of hero, always saving her after chaos, then later fleeing away from the scene. Although Stella may disagree, saying that I was more of a villain, who just had a weak spot. Maybe like a stuck-up firefighter who's stuck with saving cats that are stuck in trees or from burning houses. Something metaphorical like that. I'm not saying firefighters are all stuck up, I just know a friend. The point is I'm a villain who has one weak spot. Being Stella, who would be the cat in this scenario. Even though I haven't actually looked her in the eye and talked to her sense the day she cried and ran out of the classroom. I still look at her stories on social media or steal some glances at her in the hallways or during class. And well the dance. That dance was catastrophic, more than it seemed. After getting away from Jason I knew after watching Stella something might happen. And when she walked away from Jay I followed. I might sound like a stalker but I'm not I swear, I was just worried. Ironic, isn't it? I'm the one who cut ties and I still want to know how she's doing, just from afar. Although I went a little too close to her that night. She passed out when she realized I was right Infront of her, I was beside Jay, both of us cornering Jason. She called my name when she lost consciousness. It's been a while since I heard her call for me. It gave me chills when she did that day. I miss her voice. It was weak, I missed it when she said my name. Either in pain, or when she says it in general. It's dirty of me but it reminded me of her begging for me as she turned her camera on automatic, taking photos of ourselves as she spread her legs around me, as we make out, moaning cute nothingness, as I wished I had fucked her. I kept the photos to myself. Jerking off when I can't have her in me, I still do once in a while.

A car honks at me snapping my thoughts back to reality. I look up and I see a green light. I forgot that I was driving and didn't even know that I was crying as I was spacing out. There's no going back. I can tell she's trying to move on. I can tell she wants to. It's hitting her hard in the head. And I feel like shit, but this is for our own good. She and I could focus on ourselves for once. We don't have to bicker about stupid things like how my tie was crooked, during my senior dance. Or how I stumbled on laying kinetoscope that one time during photo class. Jokes on her I say it without hesitation now that I teach the college class. I smiled to myself then realized how much I'm actually going to miss our nonsense fights. I pulled into the parking lot Infront of Starbucks, and I cried. I finally let it out all my emotions. All the memories, how did I let this happen to us? I punched the steering wheel as my music blasted in my ears, echoing through my car. I took deep breaths and looked in the car mirror to see if anyone could tell how pathetic I had cried. I wiped my tears off my face and blew my nose. A couple fake friendly smiles and finally decided to go in to get my coffee. Cold brew with vanilla and white mocha with cold foam on top. I'm not much for hot drinks unless it's chilly as hell. Right now, I need something to cool me down and make me feel relaxed. I recommend Stella should try this and she loved it. I haven't seen her in Starbucks for a while. Which is weird because I still see her with coffee, just not as much. Everything's changing. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about that. She graduates soon and all I could think of is her. When I should be moving on from her. Once in a while I catch her notifications on my phone showing me that she was typing. She was only typing, she hadn't sent a text, just typing. I know she's holding back. I know I should block her or turn off notifications of her texting me, but I just couldn't do it. I'm not strong enough for that. Although I finally forced myself not to post on social media or look at her stories anymore. I decided this after I realized she stopped posting on her stories. She probably saw me stalking her account. So, I stopped looking after her from afar.

Jay punched me away, when I got close to her. A black- eyes was worth it. Seeing her somewhat face to face. Jay took care of her, so I was somewhat relieved. I took care of the J bully's that always seemed to pop back in my life, and fuck everything up. I called an old friend that I gave a job too and he got them in trouble. They aren't allowed in the bar, and if they see me or get caught doing something near me or to Stella, they're dead. Slashed throats dead, a bullet to the head, dead.

Driving is what makes me feel more relaxed, other than my own photography I do for myself. I am working on this car that will go speeding fast, more than it already does, which is 250mph. I take my black and bright red Tesla Roadster out for a test run once in a while leaving behind the black Cadillac convertible behind, which is meant for work. This one makes me get all my thoughts out. It's bad in its own way, but I go in the middle of nowhere and start speeding, on the black smooth pavement, in the dark shiny sky. Under the bright, white moon all I could think is Stella. Her name chanted in my mind non-stop. I press the gas going faster and faster. No other cars to be seen. I'm crying again and I'm angry. I really want to leave for Arizona now. I'm going to miss this road. But I know in Arizona they have plenty of empty long roads, I can speed through. I can also use the race track me and my brother used to share in high school. Being wealthy has its perks. But it also has its downs. After I was done speeding my way, telling myself not to just crash and die I went back home. Stuck the rest of my stuff in the car and flopped on my bed. The room is empty. And I feel even more alone. Everything is in the truck or in my car. My Cadillac would be delivered to the place I'd be staying at tomorrow. The truck and it would approximately be delivered a day or two after I arrived. Giving me some time to process my destination. I told Stella I was going to be gone for just the summer but in reality, I'm going to be gone for most of her senior year as well because I actually decided to move to Arizona for a while. The reason being was to get away from Stella, even if I have to deal with my ex and my bloody brother.