Chase Series #1: Chasing Dreams

Chapter 11

Tété-a-tété

"She's actually trying to breakup with me." He dropped the news. Napaawang ang labi ko sa narinig. I swear, if I was sipping my milktea as he said those, I'd probably choke with the pearls.

"H-huh? Why?"

"She said I'm still hung up with you..." He then looked at my eyes. "Now, I'm here becoz I wanna know if it's true."

"And? What's your conclusion?" I asked as I rubbed my palm with my scrub suit's pants, trying to hide my shaking hands.

"I think, she's right... But not totally,"

"Huh?"

"You know, I met her when we were in first year college. To be frank, I don't like her, because at that time, it's you I loved. Second year came, she confessed to me that she likes me and she'd like to court me. You know that's insane, right?"

I merely nodded. But I don't wanna judge. Women can pursue men, just as men tries to woo her dream girl. So long as no one gets hurt, no girlfriend in the picture. At wala na ako noon sa buhay ni Josh... I was in a far city, trying to juggle studying and part-time jobs to make ends meet.

"Am I here to listen to your love story? Becoz, it that's the case, I want to go home now." Napahilot ako sa sentido dahil sumasakit na ang ulo ko. Medyo toxic nga kanina tapos ito pa?

"No. I just wanna tell this so you'd know why..."

"Hmmm?"

"As I was saying, I thought it was insane that a woman is trying to court me. It's kind of absurd to me but then, I realized it's not. I saw her dedication and love when she did all those things done by us---men. However, hindi pa rin ako handang ibigay ang puso ko sa iba, kasi ikaw pa rin Ash. Pero she was so patient enough until I fell for her and decided to court her instead when we reached third year college. Hanggang sa sinagot niya ako. It was a slow-paced romance but, I really love her Ash."

Pumikit ako ng mariin sa narinig. Okay? So why am I still here? Dapat ba mag walk-out na ako? Narinig ko na ang dapat kong marinig eh. Kaya imbes na magpaka-masokista ay tumayo na ako.

"Teka lang, Ash." Pagpipigil niya sa akin habang hawak ang pulsohan ko. I stared at his hands but unlike before, hindi niya ito binawi. Kaya kusa ko ng binawi ang kamay at naupong muli.

I remained silent as I wait for him to continue talking. Nakita kong ilagay niya ang dalawang kamay sa ibabaw ng mesa habang nakasalikop ito.

"I love her, I really do. But, simula nang bumalik ka, gulong-gulo na ako. Noong una, galit ako sayo pero kalaunan, masaya na akong nakabalik ka na. Alam mo ba kung ano ang naramdaman ko nung sinabi mong mahal mo pa ako? Una, gulat pero nangingiti ako nun Ash kahit di naman dapat, kasi meron na akong Annaliese eh. I was confused as hell until Annaliese beat me to it. She claimed that while I love her, I love you more...." My jaw dropped.

"Na hindi ka naman nawala sa puso't-isip ko. And that, she's just a borrower of my heart but never the owner of it." He continued.

"And I guess it's true... Ash, from then to now, you're the owner of this... And it seeks you." Sabay turo niya sa parte ng dibdib niya kung nasaan ang puso.

"Paano si Annaliese?"

"Makikipag-break ako." Nahihirapan niyang untag.

"Gago ka ba?" Anas ko. "You need to sort your feelings first, Josh. Wag kang spontaneous, gago. Mahal mo ako, pero mahal mo rin siya, diba?" Litanya ko. Anong hangin ba ang pumasok sa utak nito at parang gago na?

"I know. And I've been contemplating for the past weeks... Annaliese is my safe haven, she gives me comfort and assurance pero Ash, ikaw? Lahat ng pwede kong maramdaman, nararamdaman ko dahil sa iyo. I long for your presence, as much as I yearn for your love. Kaya ayaw ko noong mawalay sayo kasi I grew dependent with your love. Lahat ng what ifs naisip ko... Paano pag hindi natin kinaya ang LDR? Paano pag nakahanap ka ng iba doon? Maganda ka, matalino at higit sa lahat, mabait. Your laugh and the way you think? Lahat ng katangiang gusto ng lalaki, nasa iyo kaya I suggested way back that you stay here and choose a different path. But you did not, despite my plea that you stay. And I understand why you did that."

"You lack trust, then." I concluded. "I asked you then if may tiwala ka ba sa akin, pero sabi mo mayroon. Guess what? Tama nga ako."

"I'm sorry." He said in almost a whisper as his eyes started to get red.

"I'm sorry too, for ending us. I believed if you're not supportive of my dreams then I might as well, cling for my dreams before mending our broken hearts. Matalino tayo, Josh kaya siguro bobong-bobo tayo sa pagmamahal. Kaya, isipin mo muna ng masinsinan ito, okay?"

"Okay, thank you."

"Thank you. And, I forgive you, Josh. Mga bata pa tayo nung nagkasakitan tayo but we're old now, not that old but, we know our priorities now."

I saw him smiled. I tried to reach his hands and smiled. I felt him stiffened from my hold. "You know that I love you still, but I can't bear hurting a woman who loves you the same, Josiah Aurelius." Malungkot kong saad.

"Please think of it... Don't worry about what I will feel, I'm a big girl." I said and chuckled. I saw him smiled too while his eyes drop a lone tear. Inabot ko ang mukha niya saka pinahid ang luha.

"At kung ano man ang desisyon mo, bigyan muna natin ang mga sarili ng oras, okay?"

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko saka ito hinalikan. "Thank you, Ash." Tumango ako saka kinuha na ang kamay.

After talking ay nagpaalam na akong uuwi na. He insisted na ihahatid niya ako pero tinanggihan ko na.

Sumakay na ako sa tricycle na nakaparada malapit sa milktea shop saka kumaway sa kanya. I smiled at him but I was shocked when he followed the motorcycle I was riding till I reached home.

Bumusina lang ito nang makababa na ako saka pinasibad na ang kanyang motor.