The Probability Of Not Loving You

Prologue

Every time I'm past the hardest part
Here comes another ghost just to pull me to the dark
I thought it was over (thought it was over)
God, let this be over

- Honest, Kyndal Inskeep

______________________________

After - 25 years old and failing at life

Watching your elder brother getting married and surrounded by all that joy and family was a wonder. Something inside of Ava lay empty and she knew why. Alex wasn't there. He hadn't been there for a long time and when she thought about it, it was really stupid.

Sure, she loved the guy and practically threw herself at him. Worse yet, he had been kind about his rejection but Ava's pride couldn't bare it. Not when she knew the taste of his kisses, the feel of his skin against hers and how amazing merely being in his company was. His company was what she missed the most.

After all these years of avoiding attending the same events, Alex constantly being away every Christmas and New Year when their families gathered but none of them ever asked what happened between them. What stopped them being best friends? How had they gone from being inseparable to not being able to stand a being in the same room?

They all knew it was her fault but never knew why. But her family understood enough to never mention Alexander Evans while she was in the room. At the mention of his sister's name, Chryseis, Ava had always found herself holding her breath and at the brink of tears.

After three years of not seeing him and seeing his sister stand beside her brother as his best woman, Ava was disappointed that he didn't show up. With Lucas, her brother, marrying Athena, Chryseis's sister in-Law, there was no way that he wouldn't show up, Ava had thought. But apparently, Alex took their last fight more seriously than she thought. Ava hardly remembered the words that she had said to him. He should have showed up, if only to see how put together she was now.

Having gone through the wedding beside her younger brother of a few months, Roman, Ava was not looking forward to the reception beside him. Roman was great but women had a tendency to flock towards him. It was beyond disgusting to have to endure. Unfortunately, being his date meant there was no escaping him.

Luckily, they were seated with the rest of their family with no hope of Roman pulling any moves on ladies within close proximity. Deciding it was now or never, Ava turned to her Aunt-in-law, who happened to be Alex's cousin. What could it hurt?

"How come Alex didn't show up to the wedding?"

Phoebe looked at Ava through her glass of wine. Everyone knew that Ava and Alex were not friends. Ava had forced him to move out of the house they shared and everyone rallied behind him. Yes, she had acted like a spoiled brat and most of their family thought she didn't care for Alex. Ava was adult enough to admit that she had been a spoilt brat. All the words she should have been clever enough to say, she couldn't. She had never been smart around Alex.

Perhaps, it was also knowing that while his choice hurt, he never meant to hurt her. Alex could hardly hurt anyone, especially her. He loved her. He just wasn't in love with her and that was a truth that Ava couldn't reconcile, especially when she loved him so.

But as she met his cousin's gaze, Ava was proud of herself that she was no longer afraid to wonder about him and state it in front of their families or busting into tears thinking of him.