The Probability Of Not Loving You

Chapter 4: Before

When you hear temptation call
It's your heart that takes
Takes the fall
(Won't you come out and play with me?)

- Toy Soldiers, Martika

________________________________

Before - 16 years old, High school

Sweet kisses swept between them. Alex stepped back, stripping his clothes off so that he was as naked as she was. He looked back into her eyes, waiting for her to wake up and stop this. But he knew she wouldn't. Once she had her mind set on something, Ava always followed through. He lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist taking her in his arms.

She looked back at him, her gaze so soft like he could hurt her. He would never hurt— not in a million years. That fragility in her eyes made him want to reassure her. What was he to say in that situation? With her, Alex had never been lost for words. He never second guessed himself. He wasn't cool or tried to be funny. Ava saw through his bravado, so he never tried to be anything other than the lanky awkward boy.

Holding onto his shoulders, she felt just how strong he was. Ava knew his strength but never once before did she think his strength would melt her heart. The realisation that boys were stronger than girls came when they turned about thirteen and she shoved him. His body didn't budge like he had been rooted to the ground. From then came so many changes but one thing had remained the same, she had always liked Alex.

He barely looked at her as they walked over to her bed and laid her down. Alex stopped for a second and his eyes looked into hers. Did he finally see her? Ava doubted it. He brushed her hair aside with a touch that she was sure would only make her like him more. Perhaps she dreamt of this for a long time but she didn't expect to feel so alive when he touched her.

So alive and yet so afraid that once the magic was over, she would have nothing but a broken heart. But she knew him, he loved her. Ava breathed in as he hovered above her, waiting for something. She lifted her head off the pillow and met his lips once again.

This time there was urgency in the kiss like all the doubt they had talked over was over. Perhaps he had just accepted that there was no going back. Her touch became familiar to him in a way that he hadn't expected.

Stopping all other thoughts and just hanging in the moment, Alex found that he knew just what to do like this wasn't the first time they were kissing. It was natural like most things were with Ava. Kissing her was even better. His entire light up at her touch, encouraged by the sounds she was making.

Alex liked to think that he didn't have an ego but the way she revelled in his touch made him want more of her. If anything so that they both had a good time. He would hate himself if he ruined her first time. Alex moved his lips from her mouth down to her neck and further down.

"Oh Alex," she cried out, clutching hold of him.

He brought one of his hands to her mouth to quieten her down. It didn't help much. When he finally pushed himself inside of her, she cried in agony and he stilled. She bit into his fingers and opened her eyes to find his blue orbs watching her in concern.

"Don't stop."

He brought his lips back to hers, kissing her sweetly. She relaxed. Ava knew he would never get on with it if she didn't urge him on. She pushed herself to him, meeting his manhood. Alex followed suit and soon it didn't hurt no more. It was amazing. He made her feel things that she couldn't explain in words. She didn't want that feeling to stop. She held onto him moaning his name, loving his touch and enjoying his kisses.