The Probability Of Not Loving You

Chapter 10: Before

Love is so painful
When you're not here
And I wasn't looking for another
But I can't help but wonder
It was a one-way track
Why don't you love me back?

- Blame, Grace Carter and Jacob Banks

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Before~ 22 years old, Higher education

Ava stood in front of the mirror fixing her makeup whilst her girlfriends sat on Hannah's bed drinking wine. Having girlfriends was a lot like having sisters. She liked the experience of her inner most thoughts being echoed back to her. There was a way a woman could understand another woman that a man never could and it had nothing to do with anatomy. They were soldiers in the same trenches.

"Is Trevor meeting you at the party?" Hannah asked excitedly thinking of Ava's potential boyfriend. Jessica and Hannah were excited each time that Ava went on a date. They were hopeless romantics who never learnt despite Ava being unable to get passed the fifth date.

"I am going alone."

Her two friends frowned thinking what a waste it was that she was neglecting such a hot guy. Trevor was not the first and most certainly not going to be the last guy Ava blew off. He was just another tally on the crushed list that her friends collected of guy's hearts that Ava had broken. If she wasn't so lovely and down to earth, her friends might have hated her. She was the kind of girl who guys wanted to conquer which came with the cliché that she would be a bitch, but even guys that she cut off still liked her afterwards.

They just accepted that they couldn't make her like them. No one, not even her friends, ever figured why she never liked those guys back despite some of them being nearly flawless. Not just in the physical sense.

"Is Alex going to be there?" Jessica asked licking her incorrigible lips. Second week into university, Ava had discovered that Alex was Hottie #2 Aka Library hottie, which had solidified her friendship with Hannah and Jessica. They loved coming over to her house to hang out, although she knew they were coming for him."He is mouthwatering."

Ava turned around holding her mascara wand like a gun. "Get it out of your system before we see him. I don't have enough space in my purse to hold a cup for your drool."

"He is hot."

"He is so yummy," Jessica added. "I saw him come out of the shower the other day with nothing but a towel around his waist. So wet and so juicy!"

Hannah slapped Jessica's arm. "You kept that to yourself."

Ava wished that she could deny Alex's hotness. She had appreciated that chiselled chest long before it was so defined. When he still allowed her near, she had even managed to lick chocolate off his body. Such smooth skin but I what burnt her was the gaze which she had thought had been loving. How wrong was she? The haunting memory made her feel cold. Ava hated thinking of him in that way, especially when he was so put together and unaffected by her. Yet he had destroyed her.

Ava dropped her hands to her waist."Finished?"

Both her friends grinned."You don't get it."

"I get it. " Ava said, with an eye roll. No matter how much she prayed that he woke up covered in pimples, nose crooked, if not fallen off and bumps the size of Jupiter, Alex got handsome by the day. He looked more like his father each day. Tall, built, gentle natured which made women love him more and could compete with just about anyone for face of the year. If not that, it was body of the year. He played just about every sport under the sun which made him even more annoying but Ava was glad that they didn't have to run into each other often."You are blinded by the biceps and the blue eyes. Just great(!)"