The Probability Of Not Loving You

Chapter 1: After

We lived through scars this time
But I've made up my mind
We can't leave us behind anymore
We'll have to hurt for now
But next time there's no doubt
'Cause I can't go without you anymore

- Scars, James Bay

_______________________________

After ~ 26 years old and struggling

For the last three and a half years, Alex had not seen Ava Taylor-James. When he moved out, he hadn't been to get his things and while attending the same university, he had done his best to not run into her on campus. After graduation, he moved back to England, although he never stayed in a particular country for more than a week at a time.

Taking over his grandfather, Pierre's, hotels all over the world took a lot of time and energy. There was always something that needed attending to, which he didn't mind. Alex was a hard worker and liked the distraction. Truthfully, it kept him from thinking of all the things that he missed out on with his families. He always had pictures of holidays that they took without him, dinners they attended or events where they ran into someone from their extended family. Because that's who the Taylor-James were— family, even though he didn't speak to most of them.

He hated being in New York City the most with the Hamptons not so far away. But Ava was an adult now and probably lived by herself. She probably travelled the world as he did. Her family certainly had the money to send her anywhere in the world if she wanted it.

Alex was sitting at a restaurant table where one of the executives had just departed, with a tablet in his hand, while running an errand for his grandfather. They were due to meet in China in a couple of days and Alex had been there to sign a few papers for one of the executives.

Alex felt a hand on his shoulder. His first instinct said that he shouldn't look up. Women had a tendency of coming up to him whenever he was alone. With his suit jacket on, it should have been clear that he was working but no one ever cared. Alex looked up at a pair of blue eyes and sighed with relief.

Lucas.

For a guy who had been his brother, they had hardly spoken since he left apart from the occasional messages on holidays and birthdays. It was strange to have him stood right in front of him.

"What are you doing here?" Lucas asked.

Alex pointed at the name of the hotel. "I own it."

Lucas laughed, rolling his eyes. "I meant in New York. You are hard to find these days."

"I am passing through," Alex told him. "Please sit down."

Lucas took the chair beside Alex. "Let me buy you dinner and you can tell me all about your travels."

Alex didn't fight Lucas' invitation. The two men ordered dinner. "Did you receive my wedding present?"

Lucas scowled. "I would have much rather you attended the wedding."

Alex held firmly the square glass he was holding on to and looked away with a small smile on his lips. "Work crisis."

Lucas had been there that night when things fell away. Ava and Alex had yelled at each other, she had driven him away, yelled at Lucas until she cried. But he had seen Alex too. Lucas had seen how he clutched  his steering wheel until his knuckles were white and banged his head against it with tears in his eyes. Perhaps, Alex didn't love Ava the way she wanted but that day had destroyed them both.