The History Of You And Me

October 2020.

If you had told me two years ago that I'd be sitting in a high society wives club, surrounded by the kind of people I'd avoided my entire life, I'd have fallen down in laughter.

I'd have had a hard time keeping a straight face at the ridiculousness of it.

There was a time I couldn't stand the sight of women who bowed to their men, that doesn't include my mother of course.

There was a time I couldn't understand why some women chose to be shadows of their husbands. Barely letting a word out and having their entire existence revolve around theirs.

Hard as it might sound to some, I get it now. Maybe partly.

I think that feminism isn't just about the equality of men and women. I think it's also about being a stay-at-home mom/wife, because you want to, not because you have to.

I think people have the right to do whatever makes them happy, and if some women find happiness in simply being there for their husbands, then who am I to judge?

"We meet up on Wednesdays, you should join us."
I hear one of the wives say beside me.

The club is hosted by the wife of the CEO of Olli's company. We're sitting on a large table in one of Cape Town's most extravagant houses.

When Olli told me that his colleagues' wives meet up every now and again, I'd internally rolled my eyes and thought 'of course they do'. It was hardly surprising.

It came up at random in conversation and of course he'd thought I'd laugh at that. But to both our surprise, I'd then replied saying that I would check it out, see what it was about.

I think a part of me was just curious to know the things that they talked about, if they'd had any hobbies outside of taking care of their husbands. Another part of me wanted to make him proud.

I wanted him to see that I am committed, and I'm willing to try and include myself in this life we're now living.

But to my surprise, they're actually some of the smartest people I'd ever come across. I'd quickly realized how wrong I was about them, and about any other woman I'd internally shamed for choosing to live their lives how they wanted, without even getting to know them.

I'd thought it was a group of women who met up and spoke about their husbands the whole day. Contrary. One of their rules is that they're not allowed to speak about the men.

'It's called the wives' club, not the husbands.'
They'd said.

Though they loved the men, they needed a break from them from time to time, for their mental peace. That was what apparently inspired the club.

"Oh no thank you, I work."
I reply to the kind lady next to me.

Even though I now understand them, I still have no desire to be one of them. I still would prefer to continue working and living life the way I've been living it. I'm finally happy with how things are.

She looks at me with a non-judgemental look on her face. As if she gets it, as if she once was me. I don't know why that frightens me.

"Why do you think we have it so late? Some of us work too. You'll come to learn how necessary it is to have a break from your husband."
She proves me wrong yet again. I seem to have also thought that just because they have a club, they don't work.