Tainted Hearts (rewriting)

reality

After a meal and some tea, Daniel had fallen back asleep on the couch. The house was filled with a still quietness, but his presence made me feel less alone. I cleaned up the mess we had made from breakfast and took a blanket from the closet to lay over his body. 

I sat beside him for a bit, watching as his chest moved up and down. My eyes refused to move in fear that if I blinked, he'd stop breathing.

After what seemed like forever, I pulled myself up from the ground and went to gather myself together. I released my hair front it's tightly coiled bun and slowly brushed through the tangled strands. 

I should cut it one of these days.

Taking my hair into a neat braid, I began to wash up my face. Lathering the foaming soap across my skin and almost aggressively washing it all away with the ice cold tap water. Using a small towel to absorb the excess water, I watched my reflection in the mirror. My entire face decorated with small dark brown freckles, and lightly painted with a tinge of pink.

I should try a nose piercing one of these days.

Leaving the bathroom, I went to my room to change out of my sweats into...well a new pair of sweats. I stripped all the way down into my undergarments, and again looked at the person that stood in the mirror in front of me. My skin seemed to wrap tightly over bone, sickeningly skinny.

I should eat more, maybe join a gym one of these days.

Once I was fully clothed, I bent over to pull the large black case from underneath the bed. Unlocking the latches on both ends, I opened it up and pulled out the delicate mahogany instrument.

It's been a while.

Holding the violin in one hand and my bow in the other, I closed my eyes and let my brain lead the way. As if by instinct my hands gracefully moved the bow from string to string as my fingers pressed down, note to note.

I may not know much about life anymore, but one thing I do know is that when I play my music it's real.

The sound of the small intricate object belting out such a powerful noise soothed me. It makes me feel at home. It makes me feel safe.

This right here right now is reality.