College Secrets (An EddiexGaege Fanfic)

Chapter 7: Priorities

"Can I kiss you?"

The four words were enough to make Gaege's stomach do a summersault. He was so close to Eddie, he was tempted to close the space between them with a soft kiss. It was what he dreamed of and pictured in every waking moment ever since Gaege caught feeling for him. Although Eddie hesitated, and Gaege could see his mind racing as he stared into his eyes.

Gaege had never considered if Eddie had ever been with another man before, let alone kiss one. Gaege already experienced a relationship with a man and was much more experienced than Eddie was. He was openly gay with his friends, but he never had the guts to tell Eddie directly or ask if he felt the same in fear of rejection or disgust for him being gay.

Although before Gaege had the chance to pull back, Eddie licked his lips as he slowly leaned in, his hand still cupping Gaege's cheek. Their lips met in a gentle, curious embrace, leaving a burst of butterflies bloom in Gaege's stomach. Eddie was extremely nervous about kissing him, yet he suddenly found himself craving more and more despite his ever increasing heart rate.

Gaege pulled Eddie closer so their bodies pressed together, and he placed his hands on the back of Eddie's head. His fingers ran through the threads of soft, dark hair, moaning when Eddie gripped at his waist.

"Oh, fuck- Eddie..." Gaege gasped when Eddie pinned him to the wall. His back pressed against it as Eddie placed his hands on either side of him, pulling away just slightly to see his face.

"Oh shit." Eddie muttered, a shocked expression dancing across his face as he searched Gaege's eyes for a few moments. He seemed to be memorizing every inch of him before realizing that Gaege was staring at him for an answer.

"Gaege, I... I can't be doing this," Eddie said slowly, shaking his head as he stepped away, "I can't do it."

"What? But..." Gaege gaped at him, lightly brushing his fingers over his lush, pink lips. The tingling ghost of Eddie's soft lips pressed against his was still there even when he spoke. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pressured you like that."

Eddie shook his head, his face flushing and a bright shade of red. "No it's... it's not that."

Gaege opened his mouth to say something before shutting it again. He didn't want to pressure Eddie more than he already had, but he also wanted to understand what Eddie was feeling. Was Gaege just a bad kisser? Did Eddie regret kissing him back or did he hate him now or did he-

"I already agreed to go on a date with Ashley."

Or it could also be that.

"What?!" Gaege furrowed his eyebrows, "You're going on a date with... her?" Eddie crossed his arms as he retorted, "Hey! What's wrong with Ashley? She's a nice person!"

"I don't give a fuck about Ashley!" Gaege countered, his voice suddenly raising even though he didn't mean to shout. "What about me? What about my feelings? You just kissed me so you could 'experiment' with how it feels to kiss a man or something?"

Eddie hesitated before answering, "Well, no but-"

"Well, I'm not your damn experiment, Eddie!" Gaege couldn't exactly place his finger on the reason why he so worked up about Eddie going on a date with someone else. It wasn't like they were going out or he was his boyfriend or anything but... the old attachment issues bubbling in his chest were beginning to reawaken a side of him he had tried so hard to forget a long time ago.

"Oh, Gaege. It's funny to think you can tell me what to do."

No, Gaege couldn't go back. The hideous sound of his ex-boyfriend's voice filled his ears like poison, and he suddenly couldn't snap out of the sudden flashback.

"Nobody loves you, Gaege. You fail at everything you do, you can never live up to anyone's expectations, and you never will."

His eyes were tearing up again. Gaege had spent hundreds of nights sobbing over a man that would never appreciate him for he was. And now... Was Eddie the exact same?

"Gaege...?" Eddie asked softly, realizing something was very wrong. Gaege's red eyes flickered up to Eddie's face before falling away again. His bottom lip trembled as he choked back a sob.

"I'm sorry. It's just that..." How could Gaege explain his past abusive relationship to him? How was he supposed to explain the hidden fear of falling in love again? How was he supposed to trust Eddie when he could break his heart to pieces?

Eddie then surprised him by scooping him in a tight hug, but it made Gaege's eyes tear up even more. His warm, comforting embrace was relieving to Gaege. The smell of his cologne on his white hoodie sent his heart soaring and a blush to creep on his cheeks.

"I never meant to make you feel this way," Eddie whispered to Gaege, his warm breaths tickling his neck, "I'm so sorry. If I knew that kissing you was going to put you in that position, I-"

Eddie took a step back, choking back the string of words that were begging to flow from his mouth. Although the way Gaege's beautiful, green eyes stared up at him, despite the tears forming in his eyes, Eddie couldn't bring himself to say he loved him. He wasn't sure who he loved at this point.

"Eddie... you said the date was this Saturday right?" Gaege mumbled before Eddie could answer. "Are you... still coming to celebrate my birthday?"

The question was enough to halt every thought in Eddie's mind, and Gaege knew by his shocked face that he had forgotten. His own best friend had forgotten his birthday, rejected him, and decided to go on a date with someone else all in one week.

"You know what? Just forget it." Gaege crossed his arms before storming to his room, "Forget this ever happened, Eddie! Obviously you only care about her and never about me!"

"No, Gaege! That's not true!" Eddie called after him, grasping his hand before Gaege yanked his arm away. "Please, I don't-"

Gaege slammed his door shut in Eddie's face, leaving Eddie in stunned silence.

He pressed his forehead against the wooden door, praying that Gaege would give him a second chance. "Please," He whispered as a tear fell from his eye, "I never meant to hurt you."