I just got home from long straight hours of the shift in the hospital. It's already midnight here in New York. Nararamdaman ko na ang bigat ng talukap ko at anumang oras ay babagsak na ang katawan ko sa pinagsamang pagod at antok. I badly wanted to burrow myself under the sheets. I'm supposed to be sleeping by now if Ate Lilia didn't call.
[I'm getting married,]
I stilled.
There's a long pause and she's carefully watching me from my laptop screen which serves as the barrier between us. The time difference could also tell that I'm very far from her. It's noontime already in the Philippines that's why I could see Ate Lilia in her apron and cooking their lunch.
I blinked. It takes a moment or two before I could process what Ate Lilia just said. My jaw instantly dropped and Ate Lilia immediately snorted at my reaction.
"No waayyy," I said slowly in disbelief.
[Yes way, sis. I know it sounds rushed but it's not. Believe me, Gino and I were planning this for a long time and we both think it's already the right time for it. Hindi namin siya minadali just like what Mom said and we both waited until we're stable before we decided to finally settle down,] she looks nervous while explaining. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya pa kailangan mag paliwanag sa'kin.
Ate Lilia is already in her 30s at kung iisipin ay talagang napag-iiwanan na sila ng panahon but who cares right?
I'm just so happy for her! I know that Ate Lilia and Kuya Gino will eventually be each other's end game but gosh! I still couldn't believe it.
"I....I.. Oh god! I'm speechless, Ate." I cupped my cheeks with both my palms and shook my head while silently screaming. Ate Lilia laughed.
[ I know right! Alam kong magugulat ka and maging ako ay hindi rin makapaniwala. I think I'm on cloud 9 right now.] She sighed in relief. Her eyes sparkle while she talks and I can't help but smile.
"So kailan ang kasal so I could prepare?" I asked. And this time Ate Lilia's smile slowly faded.
[You'll come?] She carefully asked. And that's when I realized what I just said. Sa sobrang saya ay hindi ko na naisip ang mga lumalabas sa labi ko.
[It's okay, Claud. I understand if you couldn't come.] She said while there was a note of concern in her voice.
"Ate–"
[Claud, stop. Whatever is running through your mind right now, alam kong alam mo na hindi yan ang gusto mong gawin.] She cut me off.
She's right. She knows that I don't want to go home. She knows that I'm planning to stay here in New York for good. And she also knows what I'm thinking right now.
Gusto kong pumunta sa kasal niya pero paano ko magagawa yun kung kailangan ko munang umuwi. Ayokong bumalik pero pano naman ang Ate ko?
"Pupunta ba si Mom sa wedding mo?" I asked, still torn between my decisions. When Ate Lilia silently shook her head that's when I finally decided.
I'm not surprised that Mom couldn't make it again. Palagi naman siyang hindi sumisipot para sa mga anak niya. Mom was also one of the reasons why I don't want to go home. Mas importante pa nga ang politika para sa kanya.
"Then I'll go."
Napatingala si Ate habang namumula ang pisngi at ilong niya. She blinked a couple of times before tearing up. She looked so happy earlier and I can't help but feel guilty. She wiped her cheeks before facing me again.
[Ang tigas ng ulo mo.] She sniffed. [Do you want to do it for me?] She slowly asked, still teary-eyed. Pulang-pula ang ilong at mata niya. Her lips slightly parted.
