Stray Kids Angst Collection

Ugly Part 1(ChangbinxReader Eating Disorder)

TW- MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDER

You stared at yourself in the mirror, clad in all of your unfiltered ugliness. You hated yourself so much that every time you saw your face your heart clenched with an overwhelming amount of disgust and hatred.

You stood in your room, after staring at yourself for hours picking out every flaw in your body, from all the ugly red zits that were starting to form on your forehead, till all the flab that you could pull out from your fat ugly belly, and all the way from your collarbones hidden in layers of fat, till you flat feet, with its stubby toes that lacked absolutely any sign of beauty. You let out a frustrated sob, which was incapable to develop into anything else. Even the tears refused to come out from your disproportional eyes. You looked at your face. It didn't look like it belonged to you.

You sighed and pulled up your long black hair into a bun, and tried to ignore the tufts of hair that were falling out in clumps.

You walked over to the couch in the living room and opened your phone, while falling into its soft embrace, you opened Pinterest and stared at all those tall girls with abs and pretty faces. They wore gorgeous clothes and pretty make up that you couldn't even dream of imitating. People once told you that you were as pretty as a goddess. You wanted to look and feel like that again, and if you only worked a little bit harder, you knew that you would achieve it.

Your stomach was growling loudly. When was the last time you'd eaten? Two weeks ago? You couldn't even remember. You were so tired of yourself, and you just wanted to give up. But you knew that you were too much of a coward to actually die.

You stared blankly at the dull coloured ceiling for what seemed like hours, when suddenly a phone call shook you back to reality. It was Changbin, your boyfriend.

'Hey baeee', he breathed happily through the phone.

'Hi Binnie', you smiled back into the phone, he was the one thing in your life that made you happy, that kept you going.

'Wanna grab some dinner?'

You thought about it for a second. Going with him meant that you would have to eat, which meant you would never lose weight and would look like a fat ugly ogre forever. But on the other hand, Changbin was so busy, and you hadn't seen him in so long. You really wanted to meet him. You decided that you would just throw up what you ate once you were done.. You really wanted to see him. You got up from your couch and felt a wave of nausea and giddiness, and put it away as quickly as you could.

'OK, where do you want to go?'

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You put on the prettiest dress that you could find. You wanted to look as pretty as you could for him, not that you'd even look that good, but you didn't care all that much, you were just happy that you could finally see him. Even if it meant you had to show off your fat blubbery legs.

You got into your car and drove to the restaurant. Your whole body ached.

You let out another torturing long sigh before turning over into the parking lot of the restaurant.

You got in to see Changbin waving frantically at you, excited, and you couldn't help but smile at your beautiful ray of joy. As you approached though, his smile started to vanish.

'Y/N, you're looking so thin, are you alright? Eating fine?'

You stiffened a scowl, he was too observant. Or maybe you were just so fat before, that he could just immediately tell the difference.