Dangerous Addiction

Contest

"Daddy, yesideh mek three years mi deh a prison eno, why mi did affi put in so much effort just fi see yuh face?" I asked looking through the glass window at my father.

"Why would I want to visit you in a place like this Jazariah, I didn't  spend over a decade raising you for you to end up in prison. I had so many hopes and dreams for you and you have disappointed me,not only by you being here but by looking at you right now, realizing the person you now are, this isn't my daughter." He spoke and sighed.

I'm not going to lie, those words hurt. After my mother died, it was very hard to adapt to my father's parenting style because  unlike her, he was extremely strict and didn't like games or gimmicks. I can partially understand why a parent, more specifically mine, would be upset that I was incarcerated. What I don't understand is that, knowing everything that I had been through and what motivated me to carry out my actions, he had never once given me a listening ear or offered a shoulder to cry on when I needed it.  It was always "Jazariah, don't do this." or "Jazariah, act like this." Yes, it may be a childlike attitude but to me had not carried out a fundamental aspect of parenting, emotional support.

"Well daddy, mi sorry that mi cya be you perfect likkle princess who you can boast about to family and friends, mi sorry that I'm such a disappointment, mi sorry seh mi weigh you down over the years, mi sorry fi everything mi do yuh from di day mi born till now but ova all a dat, mi sorry seh mi mada did dead, mi sorry seh she neva deh deh fi guide mi ina mi life, mek mi nuh guh down the wrong road, mi sorry seh she neva get the chance fi support me when mi did deh a mi lowest, shit, mi sorry seh she neva even deh ya fi help mi choose di right man." I said with tears running down my face.

"Look Jazariah, I know I may not have been the best father but you can't say I haven't tried." he said sadly.

"WELL YOU SHOULDA TRY HARDER!!"  I shouted banging my fists on the table.

Maybe if he had tried, maybe if he had been there maybe if he had even listened to me. Maybe then I would've turned out better.  Silence, was the only thing I heard over the phone in the visitor's room which allows me to slip back into my thoughts.

"Alright baby, Alrighhtt." the stranger said rubbing my back, wiping my hot tears.

Even with the thick blanket she had covered me in, I felt so naked, so dirty, so disgusted.

It all felt surreal, like at any moment I would suddenly jump out of bed with my heart racing trying to calm down from this nightmare.

While picking up the pieces I had left of my uniform, she asked.

"Which part, you live?"

After quickly mumbling my address this woman, infact, this stranger who probably saved my life walked me home.

I tried to make out her face in the moonlight but couldn't, nevertheless less i hugged her tightly, showing my appreciation.

It was weird that I was even more afraid of what my father would say than the fact that I had just been gang raped.

"Daddy." I called out still sniffling.

"Jazariah, where are you coming from looking like that? Where is your uniform?" He asked.

"Daddy, dem gang up pan mi, mi couldn't help mi self." I said as my tear glands secreted even more fluid.

"Who Jazariah? What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Mi nuh know a who dem be dem just come up and three a dem rape mi Daddy,  a wah lady just carry mi home." I said.

"Stop this non sense, you think this is a joke, criminals now a days wouldn't leave you, you head would be in a gutter somewhere collecting flies" He said

"Daddy mi nah tell nuh lie." I said showing him my torn clothes.

"Alright, go and shower and then we talk." He said.

"Jazariah, I am sorry, I know this may not mean much to you but I truly am, I didn't know what to do and to be honest I didn't even know how to raise a child after your mothe-" he started interrupting my train of thought and in return, I did the same with his monologue.

"We nah talk bout mommy, she dead and gone long time and mi miss har dearly, we a talk bout wah YOU shoulda do, mi neva did a ask fi much Daddy, all mi did need a likkle love. Instead you push mi weh when mi did need you the most. Dat change mi , a dats why mi stay how mi stay now." I said lowly.

I sighed.

"Five minutes left."  the officer said indicating the amount of time we had left to talk.

" Well mi cya change the past, but I love you Jazariah, always have and I am open to the opportunities that can allow us to mend our relationship." He said

That's all I wanted. To any other individual it would've looked like I just openly accepted his apology and boom we have a close knitted relationship, but it was definitely not that. I was giving him a chance to prove himself. Afterall, he is my father and I didn't want to risk loosing the only family I had left.

"Ok Daddy, I have to go now, please remember my trial date next week. I sent the details to your email."  I said getting up.

As I placed the phone down my eyes met a familiar pair.

Where mi know him from?

Still not being able to piece together the puzzle I turned my head and return to the general population of inmates.

"Girl, mi just theif out d gyal Brittany yogurt , she couldn't even seh nothing." Melissa laughed.

"You gwaan chubble har." I said slightly smiling.

"How uh look suh? A wah happen?" she question.

"Nothing much, just did meet up wid mi fada a discuss some things.

"Oh." she replied not prying any further, which I was thankful for.

As the day ended and the night was now awoken, my eyes started shutting down.

"Night Cokes, save di rest fi tomorrow." I stated stopping Melissa's monologue to the wall.

We both chuckled.

"Ah inna di morrows gyal." She said.

I exhaled a breath I didn't even know I was holding. As the three years died down to just a matter of days I grew skeptical as to whether walking free would make me a better person or if I would fall back into my bad habits. Mr Taylor and I had an upcoming meeting, so it wouldn't be long before I knew the options.

As I drifted off into a world of darkness I whispered the prayer I had learnt from my mother.

"Most righteous and eternal Father, as I come before you in your present and mighty name I want to thank you for your grace and mercy towards me. Thank you for everything that you've done and what you're about to do. Lord I am not asking you for an easier battle, but for strength to endure it this I ask in your precious name I pray. Amen."  I said and my eyes flickered shut.