BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2013

Chapter 18- Belonging

Author's Note at the End :)

September 21st, 2013:

The boys had talked amongst themselves a bit more yesterday and I had fallen asleep crying on the couch before they had the chance to talk with me. I woke up to find the boys strewn across the studio sleeping. Yoongi was in the main recording chair. Taehyung was slowly sliding off a plastic chair in the corner, Jungkook and Jimin were beside me on the couch, and Namjoon and Seokjin were passed out on the floor. I couldn't see Hoseok and wondered where he was. I slowly and as quietly as possible got up and tiptoe my way out of the room after looking at the clock indicating it was 3am.

I make it to the hallway and see Hoseok sitting on the bench in the locker room, awake with a bottle of Coca-Cola in his hand.

"What are you doing up oppa?" I question, walking over to him.

"Oh, Y/N! You're up," he says surprised in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, just woke up. I didn't want to wake the other members," I answer.

"Hmmm," is all he responds, taking a sip of his drink.

"What were you thinking of?" I ask sitting down next to him.

"You, the group, the future," he replies staring off into the hallway.

I don't answer and we just sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Why did you leave? You know in October before our debut?" I break our silence.

"Umm, I guess I thought I wasn't good enough and would just bring you guys down. And I missed my family on top of that. I guess it was just a piling up of things," he answers honestly looking down at me.

I nod slowly.

"Why?" he questions.

"I don't know. I was just thinking about it..." I say quietly, "it just feels like the group is so... I don't know... broken".

"Are you thinking of leaving?" Hoseok says with slight surprise in his voice, but still maintaining a calm tone.

"No! No, of course not..." I quickly answer, my voice drifting off slightly, "well... actually... I don't know..." I say looking up at him, "I don't know a lot of things right now," I chuckle.

"So, tell me then. What's going on in that mind of yours," he says with a smile, "maybe I can help clear things up".

"No, I don't want to burden you," I answer looking down.

Hoseok laughs. That was new. Usually, in these types of conversations, the person got upset or worried, or both. Laughter was something I didn't know how to respond to.

"You know you don't have to be perfect for us, right? We expect you to be flawed, you're human, just like the rest of us. I'm not surprised you're so confused. What your going through is something some people won't experience in their entire lifetimes, and you're experiencing it at 15," Hoseok says, "You know, when I left before the debut Namjoon begged me to stay. He said that BTS couldn't make it without me. Namjoon's belief in me really lingered in my mind, in my heart, when I was at home, and I kept thinking about you guys. You guys are the reason I came back. Not the fame, not the money, not the performances, you guys. There's just something about this group that made me come back and that make me stay. That belief and trust we have in each other make me want to do my best for you guys. We will always be there for you Y/N, that trust and belief extends to you too, you just have to realise that".