BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2013

Chapter 24- Second Chances

October 18th, 2013:

I was sitting in Bang PD's office alone trying to collect myself to not look like a crying mess in front of my boss and the man the ultimately held my all my goals and dreams in his hands. The boys had given me one final group hug in the lobby before I was taken to Bang PD's office.

Suddenly, I hear the door behind me open and I stand up quickly, positioning my hands politely in front of me.

"So, you performed quite the sh*t show in Busan," he states walking in and sitting down in his chair behind his desk.

I don't say anything, expecting him to keep berating me.

"I've been given all the information by the managers, so I know what actually happened, what the media think happened, and why you did it..." he pauses thinking deeply, "and as much as I think it was a stupid decision that will have so many terrible repercussions for the group and Big Hit, I can't help but admire you for it," he finishes.

All I do is stand there shocked. I thought he would come in here, yell at me for being stupid and irresponsible and then probably ask me to leave, but make it seem like it was my decision.

"We'll publish a statement saying what you did was unexpectable and we've reprimanded you for it. You'll then have to write your own apology letter, and you can apologise in your next vlog as well. Hopefully, that will be enough," he says looking at me seriously, "that is if you still want to stay," he adds.

I was still processing the fact he wasn't asking me to leave it took me a few seconds to answer.

"I... uh... I... Yes of course I want to stay," I answer, bowing 90 degrees and remaining in that position for at least 10 seconds.

"Good. I think you bring a lot to this group and especially with that firecracker personality that I think is very rare in girls," he comments, "judging by the response by ARMY, those that aren't angry at you love that fact you aren't scared to speak your mind. It's refreshing to them, as young girls themselves".

"Thank you for still seeing some potential in me. I won't let you down," I say bowing again.

"I understand your frustration though, but I also can't lower the standards, you are an idol after all. I can however shift them. I don't want you to have the normal standard for women that are submissive and inferior, be a girl boss instead. Be the feminist I know you already are, really lean into it, because that's what fans seem to like and enjoy from you," he says, smiling at me, "of course, this is all within reason".

This meeting is surprising me more and more. He wanted me to be more feminist now because my outburst showed that fans liked that I spoke my mind?

"Yes, of course. I will work on myself to be the idol fans want," I reply.

"I hope you understand however that this is your last chance. We are risking a lot... we're risking everything actually, by doing this, by allowing you to stay. So while I know you're tired, it won't get much easier from now on. N.O. isn't the success we hoped it would be and things will be tough for a while. While I am giving you more leeway, you still need to be smart about things. I know you're a smart girl, so use that brain of yours even when you're tired. If you make any type of mistake like this again, you'll be packing your bags back to Canada," he says seriously.