i guess no matter what would happen i still would look out for him.
I guess i should stop.
Cause even right now im looking out for him . Hoping i will see him anywhere near and i could use any excuse as that i was passing by. Excuses. All i know is that i want things to be like how they used to be. When he was looking out for me and when i was looking out for him. The day we broke up i remember him saying
„I guess i should stop looking out for you".
i need to stop
im just drunk
im not thinking straight
but why did he agree?
we both know he is not drunk
"sure" , he says
"what?" , i cant believe he said yes
"i mean why not?" , he says and moves passing me by
"sure" , i say and walk
great
We are walking and nobody is talking. I dont know what to say even tho i would like to ask a lot of stuff.
"how have you been?" , i finally ask
he didnt except that question and i could tell from his reaction
"what a stupid question" , he says and he takes a deep breath
"the first month i wasnt feeling good. I was confused. I didnt except you to leave me like that when i needed you the most" , he says
im staying quiet
"i took the blame. I said to myself that it wasnt your fault and that you were as scared as me" , he says while looking at the floor
"the next month i blame it on you"
"and after blaming it on you, i have been getting better" , he says
he both stay quiet
i know i did a mistake
but i hope he could understand me . It all happend too fast. I had no time to think. I acted egoistic but i was a teenager back then.
"you?" , he asks
"i left and tried to live a new life", i say
"that didnt help a lot to be honest" , i continue
"after kentos death my mum and dad started to argue and they broke up"
"and i went with my mum, but that wasnt a good choice. She started drinking.......a lot" , i say and look at him
"and what about me? " , he asks
"i took the blame. Right from the start" , i say
"i didnt try to get over you, because i was trying to avoid thinking about you. I tried to focus myself into learning. I tried to get into Havard. But i failed.......twice" , i say
"and then , without thinking i came back here"
"i just want peace, somewhere to relax to forget about anything" i add
"but i now realised how stupid i was for thinking i could just live with it like it never happend"
"Kento died, my mum is at her worse, my dad and i lost contact, you hate me, i feel guitly for what happend and after that day i only hear at things and see stuff"
he finally looks at me
"you see stuff?" he asks confused
i never talked about it with anyone
"the first weeks i was having nightmares of that day"
"what nightmares?" , he asks
"you dying at that day, because of me" , i say
without letting him say something i say fast
"but its okay, because you re here.....alive" , i say
and he just looks at me without saying any word
YOU ARE READING
did i imagine it?
Ficção Adolescentehe looks at me, and his terrifying smile appeared. "Asahi?" he is only looking at me. Nobody seems to realise it. They all seem unbothered. Im starting to tear up. Im so afraid. "Asahi?" "Please tell me you can also see him" , i now say hoping so...
