Dracon (1st book of the Draconon Series)

Chapter 21

I started the tub and stared at the water that flew through the faucet, my mind blank and body numb. No thoughts or emotions filtered through my mind, and it felt as if someone had turned a light switch off, and I couldn't do anything to turn it back on.

Everything felt this way, like nothing seemed real and whatnot. All I could do was stare at the water with blank eyes, my mind too blank to focus on anything and everything at once.

I stayed in that position, my mind numb to everything and everyone for Gods' know how long.

All I knew was that the whole room was filling up with steam and getting foggier and foggier with each passing second, and it grew hotter and hotter, but the heat never bothered me anyway.

A knock on the bathroom door pulled me out of the stupor that I was in, and I could finally breathe and focus my gaze on the world around me instead of being lost and numb and dissociated from the world around me. "Clover?" a soft feminine voice asked from the outside of the door. "It's Ms. Lowell. Are you ok? I have some clothes for you."

I took a deep breath and shook my head before I rubbed the bridge of my nose and then the rest of my face, waking myself even more and becoming a part of the world of reality. "Yes, yes, I am fine," I said, even though a part of me wasn't fine. I cleared my throat and licked my lips before I turned my attention to the door, not wanting to move towards it and open it for the other female to see what was inside. "Thank you."

There was a small pause at the door, and I had a feeling that she didn't believe me. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, her voice soft. "I mean, I don't know what you are going through, but I am sure that could help."

I shook my head and grimaced before I rubbed my face again. "No, no, it's fine," I said. I walked over to the door and opened it a crack to see that Ms. Lowell was staring at me with some clothes in her hand. "I'm fine."

Ms. Lowell frowned and nodded. Sadness filled her eyes, and I had a feeling that she wanted to push but knew that I wouldn't budge. "Of course," she said, dissatisfied.

I cleared my throat and grabbed the clothes from her. "Thanks..." I said and cleared my throat again. "Did you get some?"

Silently, I prayed that she would get the hint and change the subject from what I was feeling.

Miss Lowell smiled sadly and nodded. "I did," she confirmed. She cleared her throat and looked down, growing serious. "Thank you for letting me stay here..." She said and trailed off.

I shrugged and grimaced. "It isn't a big deal," I replied. "Abram has stayed here a couple of times already. So have Miguel and Santiago."

Ms. Lowell hummed and nodded. She looked up and studied me, and I shifted on my feet before I looked away, not able to meet her gaze any longer. "You know that you can trust me, right?"

I shrugged and didn't respond, not knowing how to respond. "Thank you for the clothes," I said instead and held them up. "I appreciate it."

"Clover," Ms. Lowell said in a motherly tone, and I ducked my head and pressed my lips into a thin line.

She sighed and shook her head. "Please, Clover," she said softly. "All I want to do is help."

I licked my lips and opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. I wanted to tell her what I was feeling, how I was nervous and confused, but nothing worked.

I couldn't make a sound.

Sighing, I shook my head and closed my mouth instead. Still, I didn't say a word and made sure that my emotions were under lock and key where no one could scrutinize how I felt or what I did.

Ms. Lowell studied me and cocked her head before understanding filled her eyes. "Are you scared?" she asked. Her voice was soft and soothing, and all I wanted to do was get her to talk more and to open up about myself when it was a hard thing for me to do. "Is that why you are too quiet?"

I shrugged and didn't respond, not letting the spell of her voice get to me.

I was scared, no matter how much I hated to admit it. I was scared of what others would do if I grew close to them, which was why I made sure to keep myself guarded and closed off, even though there were a few people that had broken down a layer to make me feel something for them, even though I would never admit it.

Ms. Lowell slowly nodded while she studied me, and I had no idea if she picked up on what I didn't say or do, but it looked like she understood. She understood what I was feeling and not saying, and it kind of made me feel relieved.

She knew how difficult it was to open up to someone new, too.

Ms. Lowell smiled and dipped her head in understanding. "Go ahead and take your shower," she said softly. She studied me and dipped her head further as if she was submitting to me. "Whenever you are ready to talk to someone, I am all ears."

I hesitated but nodded, ignoring the feeling of power and the relief that she gave me when she dipped her head that low. "Thank you, Ms. Lowell," I said, and she smiled and nodded before she walked back to the living room.

I shook my head and closed the bathroom door before going back to the shower.

Sighing, I placed my clothes on the toilet seat and undressed, not bothering to look at myself through the mirror while I pulled on the little spigot that moved the water from the faucet to the shower head and stepped in.

If I had, then I would have seen a face, a face that I had once known once upon a dream...