Disconnected ; Lashton

15. Pressure

I find myself pacing around in my room again, waiting on Ashtons arrival. He didn't quite tell me what exactly he wanted to come over for so I assume we're just going to hang out in my room again. It's clean and free of anything incriminating- not that I think I even own anything incriminating, except Mean Girls, but that secret's already out. It's also not such a secret anymore since Ashton is also a lover of hyper-feminine movies, thank god for that. Michael isn't kidding around when he teases Ashton for being flamboyant, that's for sure. It's just another thing about Ash that makes me like him so much. If he can be a dude and be super girly at the same time, then so can I.

Everything about him makes me just a little bit more comfortable in my own skin.

Well, at least most of my skin.

There are always going to be those pieces of me that no one will ever see- those pieces that help keep my pain away from the ones I care about. I didn't hurt anyone yesterday other than myself. Today will be the same. My plan is working... yet, I still feel sick thinking about it. I don't want to be scared, but I can't help it. It is scary, what I'm doing to myself. But I can handle the fear if it means no one else has to. That's the way it's always been for me, I think.

When Ashton is alone, is he ever afraid? Are there things that he's scared of? Other than spiders, I mean?
Surely there must be, but I don't want it to be true. Is that something I can help with? If possible, I'd like to. If Ashton's ever afraid, I'm more than willing to take his hands in mine. He's already done that for me several times, he's always taking care of me.

Scratch that- he's always taking care of everyone. I hope he takes care of himself just as much. If he doesn't have the time or energy to do so, I'll happily do it for him.

I stare at my polka-dotted sock adorning my left foot and move to step on it with my right until I hear Ashtons car. I jump where I'm standing and scurry out of my room down the stairs. I try to go for the front door to let Ashton in but my mum beats me to it. As she unlocks the door my phone starts ringing. If Ashton and my mum are both here, then who in the hell is calling me? It couldn't be Calum since he hates phone calls, but it wouldn't be Michael either since it's only eleven and he won't be awake until at least noon.

I check the screen and prove myself wrong, turns out it actually is Michael. I don't talk back to him so why is he calling me? Butt dial, maybe? I answer anyway and wait for his voice to come through.

"Luke! Good luck! Use protection!" My eyes widen at the words he yells into my ear and I'm left utterly baffled when he hangs up.

What the hell?

Michael is without a doubt the strangest person I know, so I have a hard time understanding him sometimes, but that call really hit the mark. Good luck? What for? And protection? I blush a little and take his random call as him just teasing me for having Ashton over today. Ash must've told him he was coming here, but did he wake up just to call me and tell me that? If so, he's really taking his teasing to a whole new level. I let out a sigh and shove my phone back in the front pocket of my hoodie. I smile as Ashton spots me a few steps up the stairs after my mum releases him from her welcome hug.

He looks happy and slightly ruffled. Just the way I like him. He trots up the steps towards me with his arms open and engulfs me in his warm arms. I stifle the happy giggle that bubbles up in my throat as he squeezes me into him by my waist. I hug him back with my arms around his neck and nearly squeak in surprise when he lifts me off of the step and sets me down at the bottom of the stairs so I'm standing in the hallway with my mum. He stays a few steps up from us so he's standing taller.