Disconnected ; Lashton

39. I Wanna

A month ago we were still in London. Now you'll never believe where we are! In fact, I still don't know if I believe it myself. It just can't even be real, can it?

Okay, I'll just tell you. We're in Paris! I know, insane, right? I can see the Eiffel tower from my hotel window! I always knew it was pretty from seeing pictures of it, but when you see it in person it's a shocker.

I know my thoughts should mostly be occupied by where I am right now, or by the show we're playing tomorrow, but there's something else on my mind... It's not self harm related or about my therapist or even about my mum. Well, what else could it be then?

Ashton, obviously.

Big surprise, but I have a good reason for it this time. Lately we've gotten... Closer. As couples do. I'm all for it, and I know he is too, but it's been making me think about what comes next. Back at the house party in London, I was ready. I'm still ready now! But things are different. We're in Paris now, and Harry and Louis haven't stopped talking about how it's the city of love.

I haven't asked Ash about it, but I think he's thinking the same thing... We're usually always on the same page so I doubt now will be any different. I really am ready, but that doesn't make me any less nervous about it!

I watch Ashton finish getting dressed for the day as I stand nervously in the doorway of our shared hotel room. I guess there's no use in worrying about it now since we have an entire day planned out to see the city. So I'll try to keep my mind off of it whilst we're out, but once we get back here tonight...

He smiles up at me after tying his shoes and I go red all over. All he has to do is look at me and I'm blushing like a child with a crush, but I guess that's sort of what I am. Just a teenager with a huge crush on my boyfriend. He walks towards me so that we're nearly nose to nose and leans in. Right when I think he's about to kiss me, he stops with a smirk. What a tease.

"Someone's shy today." He taunts me. I push him away from me by his chest and roll my eyes.

"Shut up. I make you shy all the time." I point out in defense.

"Yeah but it looks like I'm the one winning right now doesn't it?" He asks, leaning in again.

"Are y-you gonna kiss me or not?"

"Sure, but..." He moves his face away once more and slides his hand down my cheek "might wanna shave first." I furrow my brows as I register his words then hurry into the bathroom to look in the mirror. He laughs when I catch my reflection and sure enough, I need to shave. Okay, I don't like really need to. There's barely a bit of peach fuzz- if that- left by my jaw and above my lip, but it's still something! I have facial hair!

"Oh my God, I need to shave." He giggles at my reaction and leans his head on my shoulder so we're looking in the mirror together.

"Do you have a razor?" He asks. I pale for a moment but snap back to reality after I get a grip. Of course he's not asking me if I have a blade, we're talking about shaving- I suppose my mind still goes to the worst places on command.

"Uh, no." I answer.

"I have one I haven't used yet. Do you need me to teach you?" I nod meekly. He instructs me to sit up on the counter in front of the mirror as he walks off to get his suitcase and comes back with a razor in hand. The sight of a razor makes me a little queasy, but I can handle it. Blood is what I really have a problem with.

Soon he's prepared my face to be shaved and I feel silly with shaving cream covering it- it makes me look like Santa Claus. Plus, there's barely any hair to be shaved to begin with. But it's still nice.