misery

part 1

prologue
first time when i saw him was many years ago, but it still feels like it was just yesterday i took my guitar and played him. i was a little nervous, but you know when I started played, everything didn't matter. he said something sarcastically i think. then i looked up to him.
"yeah, but it was good." he said. then i was in the band. we were so close, but now something has changed.

we were practicing with band. I played on bass and john was playing on acoustic guitar. we took break and i needed to talk with him. geo and ringo go out smoke. john stayed there and played something.
"john?"
"yes paul?"

I was looking for the right words to start the conversation

"i thnik what you did yesterday and it was a mistake." god i finally say it...

"what?"

"i don't think taking drugs is okay y'know?" I was terribly nervous

"you're mean that?"

"yeah. I know yesterday was hard, but I don't want you to take drugs..." i muttered

"I took them once and most importantly they weren't strong, I don't think that's a reason to argue. I didn't have a choice yesterday, you know? everything fell on me!" he said with rage

"fine. just promise to me, you won't take them ever again..." i said with little hope in my voice.

"i don't have to, paul." he said aloudly

there was an awkward silence. I didn't know what else to say. fortunately came ringo and geo. i sighed. I didn't know why he was upset. taking drugs was not right. i know we are famous and it's really hard to take it, but as i said 'its not right'.

we have an interview tomorrow. by the end of the day, we were discussing what would happen tomorrow. in the meantime we played. i was nervous about tomorrow. i had a lot of interviews, but i feel this will be difficult.

when we were done, a lot of thoughts raced through my head. mainly about john. I was pretty tired and wanted to sleep. I went to bed and lay down in it. I stared at the ceiling. suddenly I heard a knock. i stood up and went to open the doors. i was wondering who can be it. it was late and i just wanna get some sleep.
i looked who was that. it was john.

"hey Macca..." he said with his head down. "don't ya mind if i come in?"

"no." i said with smile
"come in!"

"i'm sorry about yesterday... i know i did a mistake, but everybody did mistake, right?" said hopefully

"yeah... don't worry mate. i'm not angry at all." i was lying. i was angry. i dont want him to take them.

"i'm glad you're not mad." he smiled.
"and how do you feel about tomorrow anyway?"

"actually i'm kinda worried y'know."

"why? it will be okay. we had so many interviews! this will be like any others!" he gave me his smile. "get some sleep. I won't disturb."
he stood up. he looked at me and smiled.

"yes you're right!" i wasn't sure if i wanted him to leave. I looked at him for a while and he looked at me.

"you want me to stay?" he raised an eyebrow

"eh, I dunno." i was nervous

"I didn't mean to embarrass you, I'll probably go." he smiled and closed the door behind him.

I lay down on the bed and wanted to fall asleep. it didn't work. I was upset about that. I tried to close my eyes and think of nothing. I covered myself and thought of John. it was my last thought before I fell asleep