misery

part 9

when we came home from recording, John didnt feel so good he was pale. he was sober for day. he lay on sofa and fall asleep. George and Ringo were looking at him. they had no idea what was happening. i wasnt sure if i wanted told them he was sober. they did it first.

"hey Paul what is happenin' to him?" Geo asked

"ehm nothing probably he is sick." i answered akward.

"mhm alright, take a care of him." Ringo said

"yeah i will!"

i told him that he must go with me upstairs. he just nodded and did nothing more. I sighed and took his hand and put it on my shoulders. I lifted him helplessly.

"John wake up and walk to your room. I can't get you there, you're too heavy."

"okay i'll try."

so we went to his room. I laid him on the bed and covered him. he was so pale. i just watched him. suddenly he opened his eyes quickly rose and ran to the toilet. I just heard him raise the board and vomit down the toilet. I ran after him and sat down next to him.

"Paul i feel terrible. please promise me I will be better."

"of course you will be better John, you just have to endure it and i'll help you."

"thank you. I'm miserable for seeing me like that."

he sat next to the toilet. then he stood up and brushed his teeth. i stood up and went next to him. i hugged him from the back.

"i love you. youre my everything and i cant loose you. im glad you stopped with drugs."

"yeah i love you too and i feel terrible." he smiled.

"feel better?"

"uhm maybe i'll wait there for a second. you can go, i dont think you need to see me like this."

"no, no i'll wait with you!"

"uh you're so sweet.."

he didnt threw up again. after while we came to my room and saw something, someone. there was Geo and Ringo looking at us.

"can you explain why you two were in bathroom for an hour?"

i started to sweating. i waited for John's explaining that but he was silent. he was just standing. i was wondering what was he thinking? he told nothing, so i had to say something.

"he didnt feel well."

"really?"

"yep."

"we found something."

what? what the hell they found.

"what did you find?" I said in a trembling voice.

"well, we'll show you."

then George stood up and came to the table. he took drug pills. god im sweating. please this must not be real. he looked at us and waited for the explanation. i waited too. cause he told me he has nothing there. but he didnt say anything.

"hey guys? can you explain this?" Geo asked

i wanted explanatiom too. it was weird. he was just standing there.

"John are you alright?" i asked

but he said nothing. he was now pale. oh Johnny what is happening? he suddenly rolled his eyes and threw up. his knees broke and he fell to the ground.

"what the hell?!"

"i can explain this but now just help me!"

we picked him up and took him to the bathroom. we took off his clothes and he was just in his underwear. he didn't care anyway, he was out. we put him in the tub and tried to wake him. he woke up almost immediately. he was a little confused about what had happened but after a while he realized.

"okay how can you explain this?" lads were looking at us.

"do we really have to? isn't it obvious?" i said

"but why? and why did he passed out?" Ringo asked

"you know guys, John was on drugs, but he decided to stop. he showed me all the places where he had hidden them and said he had stopped. only now did I find out he was lying, again"

"no Paul i wasn't."

"yeah? you sure? they appeared here on their own?"

"I really stopped. I kept these here in case I couldn't stand it."

"but thats wrong, John." George said. "if you really wanted to stop, you shouldn't have left anything here. even if anything."

he got up and wanted to leave. his head got a little tangled and he almost fell. we wanted to hold him but he just waved his hand and left. he went to his room and laid on his bed. we were just standing there and looking at each other. i didnt know what to say. i was angry at him. now i really dont know if he really stopped or he lied. I turned to the door when I was stopped.

"where are you going Paul? are you going after him?"

"no. i need a walk."

and I left. I went for a walk around Liverpool. I went so far as to reach the end. there was nothing but a meadow. I sat and thought about what had happened. it was too much. it was getting dark. I didn't know it here. I've never been here before. I lit a cigarette and lay down in the meadow. it was reassuring to watch the sunset. as the colors blend into each other and form beautiful new ones. but after sunset the twilight came. I heard animals walking around me. I was a little scared. I wanted to leave, but something stopped me. it was a sound behind me.