misery

part 6

i woke up after while. there was no one. just me. this was John's fault. now they know we are queers... good job John.

i stood up and walked home. nobody stoped me, so i just go straight home. i opened the doors and nobody was there. i was wondering where they can be? i wasnt sleeping long. it was just 6 pm. i sat on the sofa and looked on the wall. what if i'll look to John's room? i stood up and went to his room. there was a mess and since I had nothing to do I started cleaning up. after a while I noticed a half-open drawer. i opened drawer and it was full of drugs. my jaw dropped. I took them and looked at them. he had so many kinds. I suddenly had the idea to try one, even though I knew very well how dangerous it was. I was wondering what to take, because I knew very well what they were doing.

after a while I decided and took them. i went to my room and took guitar. it wasnt doing anything and i got mad, so i went to his room and took more. then i went out. and suddenly it started. i started felt happy. colours were changing. i lay on the grass and looked at the sky.

I started to felt cold. I looked at my watch and it was 11 p.m. I didn't even realize I had been lying here for about 4 hours. i stood up and went home. but no one was still there. it was suspicious. I called the pub we went to, but they told me they weren't here today. i got an idea. i called to the hospital.

"hello there is Paul McCartney, may I ask where did the boys go today?"

"oh mister you better come here."

"what happend?"

"its about John..."

"okay, I'll be there in a moment." i hung up.

I wondered what could have happened. even though I had taken drugs before, I got in the car and drove quickly to the hospital.

I ran to the front desk and shouted where he was. she took me there. John was laying on the bed. He had his hands bandaged with a bandage that was soaked with blood. did he self harm himself?  i thought. Geo and Ringo were sitting next to him and i was really sad.

"what happend?!"

"Paul, when we brought you here, John passed it and went home. he didn't show up for a long time so we went to see him. he was sitting in the bathroom there was blood everywhere and he was lying there helplessly."

"how i couldnt saw the blood?"

"you werent in the bathroom, were you?"

"no i wasnt but-"

"Paul today was really ruff. just sit there."

i sat next to John and fall asleep. I fell out of my chair at night and woke me up. John was still sleeping and boys were too. i wanted to woke him up, but something told me to not do it. I put my head on his feet and thought for a moment. today we could be dead. i thought. it was scary idea. I hope the media doesn't find out. after a while my eyes began to close and I fell asleep.
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"Paul! wake up!" someone told me. it was John.

"John! my god! im glad youre wake up!..."

"sorry. it's all my fault. if i didn't say anything this morning it wouldn't happen..."

"Do not apologize. it has already happened we have to move on." i smiled at him

"i see you two are wake up." Geo said
"please don't do that anymore." he laughed

"otherwise by the way, are you together?" he said curious.

"oh... since we all live together, I don't think we'll keep it a secret, so yes we are." John said

"I thought you two weren't exactly, but I won't bother you." said

"thanks guys its really sweet. but please its ours secret." i said carefully.

i was wondering what they will do with John? its not okay to self hram. i hope he just gotta go home with me and we would be happy. but i think it wont be that easy. he almost killed himself. i juts wanna kiss him and give him everything. i was looking at him for long time.

"oh... we will leave you here alone." ringo said akwardly.

they left us and we were there alone. finally.

"hey Paul?"

"yea John?"

"do you remember that song we wrote when you were 15 and i was 17?"

"I don't know what you think, we wrote a lot of them."

"in spite of all the danger..."

"yeah i remember. i'll look after you. like ive never done before...it was really beatiful song. there was beauty in that simplicity." i said

"my arms hurt kinda."

"John? can i take a look?"

"oh yeah but be careful!"

he had deep cuts and they were all because of me. it made me miserable. tears began to fall down my face.

"hey Macca, please dont cry. it will be okay!" he said with smile.

"i hope so Johnny boy." I said with a smile, but at the same time tears streamed down my cheeks.

doc came to us to tell what will be.

"mister Lennon we know you can't be locked up in a hospital, but we need to know that you won't do it again. so now you're going home and Paul will be watching you."

"thank you doctor..." said sadly.

I helped him up. I left the room looking for boys. the boys were already waiting for us and helped me take John.

"hey i can walk." John said arrogantly

"okay we are just y'know we're just worried." i said

we came to our car and went home. when we came home i wanted to see the bathroom. there was a lot of blood. i started crying. John came to me with a mope and hugged me. I took a mope and started wiping. he looked at me sadly. I think he was upset what happened here yesterday.

"Johnny would you help me?"

"yeah sorry i just thought."

"oh or you can go to bed John. i know its not easy for you..."

"no, no, no thats okay Paul."

he took the mope and began to cleanse his blood.