misery

part 11

Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
And I'd have never been aware
But as it is I'll dream of her
Tonight, di-di-di-di'n'di
Fallin', yes, I am fallin'
And she keeps callin'
Me back again

"so? i think this is what i was imagining."

"yeah Paul i think this will be great song." Ringo said.

finally we made new song. i came to my room and wondering when was the last time I called my dad. i think its been a while. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"McCartney."

"hey dad, Paul."

"hi Paulie! you didnt call me so long. how have you been?"

"im great we made a new song!"

"really? how did you name it?"

"i've just seen a face."

"oh i really wanna hear it! but what about your heart?" he asked sadly.

"my heart? yeah my heart is good i guess. i havent had a heart attack so, im fine. dont worry!"

"im glad your heart is all right. you can always come to see me and your little brother!"

"yes i will dad. ill call you when i will have a time."

"you should! I wont bother you. you definitely have a lot of rockstar work." he laughed.

i laughed too.

"stop dad. ill call you soon as possible! see ya!"

"goodbye Paulie."

then i hung up. i should see my dad and brother. i havent seen them so long. maybe i can take John too, but uh thats not good idea. i just go by myself. maybe next week? I broke away from my thoughts and went to the bathroom to take my pills. i hope i wont have heart attack ever again. i dont wanna die. my life is now really great i thought. today we'll have concert after a while. we will sing some songs and then just celebrate like always we did. i came to John's room. he looked to me. he was sitting in his chair and writing some stuffs.

"dont you mind if i come?"

"no come here Paulie."

"what are you writing?"

"uhm nothung at all. just writing something."

"can i read it?"

"oh please dont. its really nothing."

"oh so why i cant read it?"

"its kinda personal y'know."

"oh then i wont..."

then there was akward silence.

"but if you really wanna read it you can..."

I took his notebook and began to read. it was very lyrical. they were lyrical poems about me and him. it was really beautiful. i enjoyed the reading.

"oh Johnny this is really beautiful. i really like it. I didn't know that the fragile John was hiding under yours badass John."

"oh shut up. its just nothing. i dont like them at all."

"are you crazy? this is beautiful. can i keep them?"

"yea you can if you like them so much."

"thanks. we should go. lads will be waiting for us."

"yeah lets go."
———————————————————————
"ladies and gentlemen the Beatles!"

I ran to the podium and started waving. I took a breath and looked at the boys. we were all doped with serotonin. ringo started tapping the drums at the beginning of the song.

she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...
you think you've lost your love
well, i saw her yesterday
t's you she's thinkin' of
And she told me what to say
....

when the concert ended we bowed and left the stage. in the backstage, I put down my guitar and wiped the sweat. my fingers shook a little. the others trembled too. the celebrations could begin. alcohol cigarettes everything possible.

a taxi took us home at night and we somehow got home those few meters. I couldn't hit the keyhole and it pissed me off.

"fuck!"

"calm d-down ill do it." George took my keys and opened the doors.

I went home and lay down on the couch. I knew I couldn't sleep here so I got up again and went to my room. I saw John watching me. as if he knew what would happen. When I got up I got a cramp in my chest and couldn't breathe. it was like taking my breath away. I sat back on the couch and began to breathe deeply. my brain was working at fifty percent. the only thing that occurred to me at that moment was that I would have a heart attack again. I started to panic.

"Paul are you all right?"

"n-o i-i dont kn-ow i cant breath."

"okay just relax and focus on your breath." John told me.

"how can i focus on my breath when i cant breath!" I finished this sentence and almost cut myself.

"dont say anything trust me."

I focused on my breath but it didn't help.

"I don't think I'll last long! what if i die!" i started crying.

"ehm try to lie down." he said embarrassed

I felt like I was fainting. I couldn't faint because I didn't know if I would wake up. as I lay down it was worse and I couldn't stop it and I passed out.

"Paul? Paul! wake up! hey guys he passed out!"

"what?!"

"what we will do?!"

"Paul!" he shaked with me. he checked to see if I was breathing. fortunately I started breathing normally. he took my helpless body to my bed.

"so what now?" John asked

"maybe he will just sleep. you should stay here John."

"yeah you should." Ringo said.

"okay ill stay with him. goodnight boys. if something happend i would tell you."

"okay goodnight.." then they closed the door behind them.

he lay down next to me and hugged me. he began to cry and woke me as his tear dripped down my face.

"Johnny im alive!"

"o-h my l-ove." he said in a trembling voice.

"why are you crying?"

"I've been worried about you for a while, I'll probably cry for a while because I can't stop it."

I hugged him tightly and started crying with him. it was a very sad moment. it is the moment that turns to cold colors in your memory. I gave him a kiss and we hugged terribly tightly. on the other side, it was also a nice moment. a moment of true love that is not just every day.