misery

part 4

I pulled my head away from him. look into his light brown eyes. he smiled

"how was that?" he was wainting for the answer

"huh... dunno. i dont know if i'm a queer. its not legal. i don't wanna go to jail." i was lying. i was crazy for him.

"c'mon Paul! what do you want?"

"i dont know John... it's hard."

"i probably go. i'm there for week..." closed door behind him.

i sit there. what will i do? i really dont know. i really need to go on the toilet. my body is tired. but i can go to the toilet, it's near my room. i opened door. i heard someone crying. i was wondering who can be that. i looked around and said gentle.

"hello? are you okay?" i heard a sniff, then there was silence.

"John?" i thought

"it's not John! go away..." John said

"im sorry John. i wasn't honest with you. come here please!"

John opened door. has red eyes. look at me and gives me that little smile. i hugged him. I wondered for a moment if it would be a good idea. I grabbed his hand and intertwined his fingers between mine. he put his had on my shoulder and he grabbed my hips.

wise man say. only fools rush in. but i can't help falling in love with you...
shall i stay? would it be a sin. but i can't help falling in love with you
like a river flows
surely to the sea
darling so it goes
somethings are meant to be.

he started sang Elvis. i joined him. then he helped me to the bed.

"good night luv." he kissed my forhead and go home

"hey John?"

"yea?"

"dont you wanna stay?"

"okay i'll stay."

he lay down next to me and grabbed my hand, then we fall asleep.
————————————————————————

"mister Mccartney, i think you're doing really well, but you must take some pills. we found some changes that happend to your heart."

"how many?"

"uhm... a few..."

"and that's?"

"one in the mornin' ,midday, evening and before sleep.."

"what? isn't that too much?" why i have to take so many pills? is that some joke?

"we are sorry mister McCartney."

"oh, that's okay."

"just take them at the reception."

i left the room. was thinking what if it'll change my life? what if i wont sing anymore? i came to the reception. there was pretty girl. she had blonde hair and blue eyes.

"oh mister McCartney. how you doin'?"

"not so good i guess. can you give me my pills?"

"of course." she grabbed them and looked at them. she looked at me a lil confused, but she gave them to me.

"good luck." told me
———————————————————————
when i came home, my friends were waiting for me.

"hello Paulie! we've missed ya! how have you been?" Ringo told me and smiled at me.

"not so good fellas... doc gave me many pills. i'm worrying that i will have some problems with singing." i said sadly

"i don't think so Paul. maybe it'll take some time to get it into the normal, but we can handle it!" Geo said and gave me hope

"thanks Geo.."

i went to my room and sat on my bed. put my head into my hands. my tears were warm and salt. i started getting wet hands. then i heard knocking on my door. i stayed quiet, 'cause i dont wanna see anybody. i hoped that person go away, but it wasn't stopping. so i just sat on my bed and was trying my best.

"Paul?" John said gentle

"yeah?"

"can i come in?"

"of course you can. come here."

he sat next to me. he looked at me and he realized that something was wrong.

"so what's wrong?"

"are you really asking? everything is getting worse and worse. im... im just really lost."

"i know it's hard and i know you dont wanna hear 'it will be okay'. so just if you wanna, you can talk to me about everything. i will hear you."

i sat there and was staring at him. i just need to cry. thats all. but i wanna cry alone. i dont want him to see me like this. its just ridiculous. my eyes were turning into red. i couldn't stop it. i started to cry. he hugged me.

"better?"

"yea. you really helped me."

then he just hold my hand and lay with me. we were hugging each other. then we fell asleep.

i woke up at 4:30. i felt really bad. i didn't wanna wake him, so i carefully stood up and went to the bathroom. i looked to the mirror and took pills. actually i took them for the first time. then i was looking at myself for few minutes. i started to feel kinda weird so i looked at the pills. they weren't mine.