ROMANTICIZE | 18+

01 | ninth time's a charm

"Are you still listening Zhavia ?" my not-so interesting date spoke, taking me out of the dazed trance that I have found myself in. The man whom I had met on tinder, Stephen , had been going on about the woes of his life for a while. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind talking about the interest of others, but I would prefer not to talk have someone practically trauma dump on me on the first date.

I replied with a small smile and a nod , which I slightly regretted after once he started going back on his rant once more. My brain felt like static, and I immediately begun to tune him out once I realized it was into another conversation about himself.

The annoyance risen in me from the instrumentals that played throughout the restaurant , that practically reminded me of elevator music. This was not the way I'd like to spend Valentine's Day, and after different failed attempts at tinder dates I should've known things would end up like this.

I try to hold back the scowl that wanted to appear on my face, my eyes wandered to the silver cutlery that laid against the wooden table of the restaurant as my mind begun to roam to all the other things I could be doing instead of this.

I've been in worst situations than this, that I've been able to sit through but maybe it's  the nauseating colours of red, pink & white that reminded me of the sorrows of my loveless life. Or maybe it's the fact every time a notification pops in my phone, it's Camilla, my best friend and current roommate at my university sending me pictures of her engulfed in the arms of her boyfriend of three years Kylan.

Usually, I'm always in awe of watching my friend happy relationship prevail, but I am definitely nothing but bitter at this moment. Because of my negative emotions, I wasn't even able to form some sort of feelings of happiness at the pictures. Sorry Camilla.

I spent majority of the rest of the dinner stuck in my own thoughts, not exactly remembering too much of the dull conversation. I was already having speculation that there wasn't going to be a second date with Spencer, but when the waitress had came with the bill and I had to pay for our meals because he had claimed to forget his wallet,  possibility of a second date were absolutely none.

We now stood outside the restaurant , the unbearable feeling of awkwardness made me uncomfortable as we basked in complete silence. Spencer cleared his throat , his head turning towards me, "I had a good time, I enjoy talking to you."

I forced a smile, "Yes, I enjoyed talking to you as well." Spencer looked almost as if that was confirmation , as his tensed stance loosened, "Does that mean we could go on a second date?" Shit. I usually hated this part of going on a date, specifically only because it ended up with me saying the same thing.

"I'm sorry, but I don't really think this is going to work out. You're a really good guy, but I don't think you're for me."

That was obviously not something he'd want to hear. His face immediately formed into a frown, as he almost looked taken a back from my words. "Are you serious? You've been leading on me the entire time of our date, I thought you were super into me." His words hit more than usual because of the pure maliciousness laced in his tone.

"I'm not exactly sure where any part of our date I had shown complete interest in you," I say as politely as I can, "I wasn't really able to get a word out because you hadn't given me a chance to speak, so from my silence majority of the dinner says that I was into you, you've just read the room incorrectly."

Sucking his teeth, Spencer rolled his eyes, "Whatever, you aren't even worth it anyways." And with his finals words, and my furrowed brows my sad excuse for tinder date walked away.

This wasn't a uncommon occasion for me , I've dealt with my fair share of demeaning words after a man hasn't gotten what they wanted from me. I was all too used to it , I figured that this is simply just the consequences of a woman who's desperately in the dating scene.

Despite all of my bad experiences with dating , I still found myself yearning for that feeling of loving someone and wanted to be loved. The only thing is, I could never differentiate my feelings of love and infatuation, it tends to scare men off if I do even get in a solidified relationship.

A guy could open the door for me and I'd immediately claim I've fallen in love with em'.

I spent majority of my life day dreaming of my romantic happily ever after, but I have to pinch myself sometimes reminding me that I'm in the real world and I'm not exactly going to receive the handsome Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet and carry me away on a white horse.

My thoughts were interrupted once more when I could feel the vibration of my phone coming from my purse. I dug into it pulling out my phone and realizing I heard a call coming from Camilla, of course. "Aren't you supposed to be out right now on your date?" I immediately say, as picked up the phone.

"I could be asking you the same thing Zhavie." My face cringed as the words of that God forsaken nick name she tends to call me slip from her lips. "Well," I clicked my tongue, "The date was a bust as expected, but we know exactly how that goes." I hear Camilla sigh, and muffled words come from the other side of the line which I figured was Kylan.

"I'm not sure if you can hear, but Kylan says that maybe 9th times a charm." I rolled my eyes at her statement, "Hardy har, tell Kylan that I don't wanna hear anything out of that shit hole that he calls a mouth."

"Oh shush!" Camilla exclaimed, "I don't want my two babies fighting. That wasn't the reason I called anyways, I was just informing you on the valentines party that Nina is hosting at her place, around seven-ish."

"I'm not sure about that Camilla, if I see anymore things that's valentines related I might actually throw up." I sighed. I could hear Camilla laugh over the phone, "I don't know why you're saying this like I asked if you were coming, I'm letting you know so you can be ready when I'm home."

"You gon do me like that Cami'?"

"Yes I am."

I shook my head and scoffed, "Alright , I'll be ready by seven."

With that we said our goodbye's and I love you's and hung up the phone. Once I was back again with my own thoughts, the cool February air greeted my skin causing goosebumps to rise, my fingers raised up to my arms as I begun to rub them for warmth. I should've brought a jacket with me today, it was my fault I wanted to look more scandalous for my date.